My Life

Sept 23, 09

2009-09-23T21:13:00.002+08:00

Its been a reali long time since i last updated. Recently i managed to complete the church tee shirt and printed it alr.. Finally after 8 years of delay i managed to get it done.. such a regret i din do it earlier.. I am now doin part time tuition as well as studying at uni.... recently parents have been quarreling day and night.. last night quarrel this morning, one at home, the other outside but they still managed to quarrel over the phone.. This is starting to get on my nerves... i dun wanna be at home and i dun even wanna to come home at times.. i took up the tuition job but the mother asked me to lower the tuition fees and i even had to cough out some money to pay the tuition agency.. hais.... i designed a promotion brochure for the church mid autumn festival and yup finally i printed it and gave it out on sunday.. im on holiday right now and i spend most of my time cooking at home and i think im becoming more like a house husband... hmmm.... i need to get a little time on my own.. church been ok but i've been stretched to the limits.. The problems in church are brought home and now home is also a problem... im reali at a loss... oh ya... i was sooo busy this morning and afternoon at tuition and cooking i forgot to wish you happy birthday... happy birthday TINA and Tessa!!!!!! hahas.....

Aug 02 09

2009-08-02T19:27:00.001+08:00

Haven been myself for quite some time already... Been stressed and upset over things that should not be affecting me.. and all of a sudden, i recieved a message and it totally cheered me up... thank you soo muchhh... :) and whats more......... I recieved a bundle of joy just outside church... See what i found outside church... Muz have fell downnn.. Fed it and now they sleepin lorrr... soooo cute.. SEE MY FACEBOOK......

Jun 17 09

2009-06-17T10:03:00.002+08:00

haven been posting regularly this few months.. hais.. church is becomin a cold cold place.. home once i called is now like a war zone.. sometimes i wish i din have to come back home.. in the past, i would long to come home after my training in the army but now i kinda wish that i have army and dun have to go back home.. i feel reali shitty.. todae i woke up and my mom asked me to help with the housework and i told her to gimme 5 mins.. i agree that housework is everybody's part.. its like everytime she walks past my door she would nag me to go do and its driving me crazy.. den jus now i was doin the housework alr and she said lotsa hurting things to me.. she said i would help other people the moment they ask me.. she said i was tryin t 'sar kar'. i duno y i should ever wanna do that.. she said im like a useless dog.. feed until so old for nothing.. words said cannot be retracted and it hurts.. but who would ever know how i feel?? sometimes people sae that sons are more precious in the family but i beg to differ.. i seek refuge in my room but in no avail.. how did i ever end up lidat.. i need a break,, i reali need one!!!! im tired... :'(

May 27 09

2009-05-27T20:04:00.004+08:00

These few weeks has been a test for me.. i had did many things i should not have even thought about.. i've been scolded by my parents so often when im back from camp that i dun feel like comin home like i used to.. jus last week my dad told me that one more family is leavin the church and that made me reali upset.. Its like the youth we tried so hard to build up is jus breakin bit by bit.. I tried doin my best but i duno what my dad expects of me.. its like whatever i do is not enough.. Im almost at my wits end.. its like wen the youth leaves, its my fault for not doin my best.. my dad says if im not up to it, i should jus tell him.. but sometimes i feel that certain things are not in our control.. its not like i wan them to leave.. hais... my aunty said im inmature.. i duno.. i reali dunooooo... sometimes i jus dun wanna let my parents down but i wonder maybe it'll be better w/o me.. Parents been quarrelin so often and now that im home, i jus dun wanna hear them like that.. why does things have to be this way?? as pastors kids, y are there expections that are like almost impossible to attain... i reali reali pray that people would be committed.. im feelin more and more dry.. i reali feel like cryin.. people dun wanna do but keep commenting and instead of being constructive?? YYY??

Apr 19 09

2009-04-19T21:24:00.003+08:00

I'm like super upset lor.. todae i look at the youth and so many did not turn up with 'reasons'.. and i think maybe im not cut out to teach.. its so hard to get things together.. i feel like givin up.. hais.. today i took half day off for tomorrow.. i need a good long break but i duno wen i can actually get one.. all the UNIs i applied accepted me and i got a sponsorship of 5k i think.. im so restless and i reali reali need someone to tok to.. i feel like im about to burst..

Mar 21 09

2009-03-21T22:50:00.002+08:00

Its been a reali long time since i last blogged.. many things happened during this period.. dun reali wanna go into details.. i have jus put my little niece to sleep.. super cute la.. will be postin her pics soon i think.. hmmm.. today i was blessed with some instruments from a certain broadway singer.. wow.... super nice la.. got marksman again in the recent combat shoot.. i cant wait to end my army.. sleepy!!!

Feb 09 09

2009-02-09T11:01:00.005+08:00

This few days have been exceptionally joyful for me as the banana tree i planted and took care in church finally bore fruits.. there are like 30 plus baby bananas la.. super cute lor.. still have the flower attached to the banana.. hmmm.. is this a sign of fruitfullness?? sighhh... i wish the church would be like this too.. wan more people!!!!! hais.. been buzz lately planning for the youth camp.. budget-wise its a constraint.. muz make do wif wat i have.. hopefully it'll be as fun as the last 2 camps.. gotta go back to camp tonight.. jus now recieved a call.. they told me that i would have to be the FSS (formation signal spec) on duty for the whole of next week.. sianZ... on standby for one whole week.. hais.. one bomb after another.. cant wait to get outta the army!!!!!!!

A few videos i took from New zealand.. A little lazy to upload all at once so did it in batches.. The new zealan army doin the Haka and performin a song..

HAKA

Song

Jan 30 09

2009-01-30T23:13:00.002+08:00

i feel as tho i put on more weight sia.. so depressing.. jus now still got this lady in church sae i grew fatter.. kinda hurt but i agree lor.. skipped dinner and went for a run the moment i came home.. ran into melissa downstairs.. gave her a scare.. hoho!!! bathed alr and now in bed.. will be uploadin a video i took in NZ.. too lazy to do it altogether.. hahas.. kinda energetic now but i bet im gonna feel slpy in like a matter of mins.. kinda hungry now.. hahas.. nights all!!!!

2009-01-26T22:25:00.008+08:00

Been away in new zealand for some time alr.. haven been bloggin.. flight took about 11 hours and the bus ride to waioru was bout 8 hours.. had lotsa training on the mountain terrain and the temp in the afternoon was like 15 degrees and at night it would drop to bout 5 degrees.. people there are rather friendly.. my boots fell apart on the 1st day and i was like pretty pissed with it.. missed someone here.. hais.. glad that im back..

Auckland International Airport

Boat Lunch

Lovely Skies

Opp of my feelings

Cute Baby

Stone Tablet

Me and Pony

Pony

Rainbow

Mordor

Ice Mountains

Mess Food

1 X yummy Ice Cream

Lake

Something i did when i was bored

Flowers

Birds

Sunrise

Sunset

Sun from the plane

Jump For Joy (JFJ)

Me & Sgt Winnie

Me in tonner

Jan 03 08

2009-01-03T20:40:00.002+08:00

Its the start of the new year alr.. I jus got news that i have duty tomorrow and i wont be able to go to church tomorrow.. im feelin reali upset.. hais.. goin to New zealand soon.. next week will be flyin off alr.. watchnight was reali fine.. i think that everyone had fun.. they were all like singin and all la.. hahas..

Dec 23 08

2008-12-23T22:22:00.002+08:00

today feeling reali upset.. walked around the carrefour @ plaza sing for like an hour and later walked down to orchard to meet my parents.. went there for the christmas thingy.. share the christmas story.. hahas.. jus got home not long ago.. the feelin's still wif me.. hais...

Dec 22 08

2008-12-22T20:01:00.002+08:00

Haven been blogging for some time alr.. went to church camp.. spent some reali memorable time there.. i even met esther there la.. i was like so shocked la.. haven seen her for reali long and all of a sudden i meet her overseas.. wowwww.... hahas.. todae i went out with the male youths in church for some fun.. recieved a message and i was quite happy wen i saw the sender but it was jus another request again.. is that all that i mean?? hais.. goin overseas soon..

2008-12-14T22:17:00.008+08:00

This church camp has been a reali enriching one.. din manage to win but it dosen matter.. wat matters is that we all had fun.. first day went to jusco there to walk walk den proceeded to austin hills.. Accomodation wasn't too bad and the food was alrite.. Had to do the devotion for the youth group and i think i kinda prepared it too long :( anyways we had some fun games and i kinda wish i wasn't back here yet.. how fast good times fly.. I'm starting to miss the time spent alr... And i sprained my ankle :( Supeer pain la...

Annual church camp

Worship

↑ Lunch @ Jusco ↓

Ferrine & Perline

Jacuzzi

Nov 30 08

2008-11-30T20:19:00.005+08:00

This week i spent lotsa time playing wif my neighbours.. they super cute la.. keep pulling my shirt dun let me go home.. and the youngest one is like always shouting "YOU CANNOT GO HOME UNLESS I SAY YOU CAN GO HOME" hahas.. super cute la.. den i spent quite some time decorating the church.. mom jus came home and den she started throwing things around again.. hais.. y does things have to be this way.. i reali cant wait to get out of this house.. hais... goin back to camp like in 3o mins.. den tomorrow gonna go outfield again.. cant bathe!!!!

Cute!!

Sarah

Christmas Tree

Piano

Piano (close-up)

Piano (close-up)

Overview

Nov 28 08

2008-11-28T22:51:00.002+08:00

todae went out with the guys from church for some fun together and den proceeded down to church.. on my way down to church i reali felt like jus goin home.. i jus knew someting was gonna happen.. reached there, mom and dad quarrelled.. this and that.. stupid problems.. den make me feel reali shitty inside.. i couldn't concentrate at all and later reached home mom blasted at me and ya, she said she dun wanna tok to me anymore.. hais.. i duno y things always have to be this way..

Nov 26 08

2008-11-26T22:48:00.003+08:00

todae was sucky.. parents quarrelled again.. shared bout it but it seems to hurt even more.. im tired.. i'm seriously thinkin bout giving up the ministry.. i dun have the strength to carry on.. help me ......

Nov 25 08

2008-11-26T00:02:00.009+08:00

Tuedae morning.. woke up and had my bath.. brought my grandma down for breakfast with my aunty and den later rushed down to meet grace at jurong east interchange there.. needed to go recce the place that i wanted to bring the youth on their outing.. now im contemplating if i should charter the bus so i can choose the specific places i want to bring them.. den i ended up at sungei buloh.. rather nice place.. full of mozzies.. lol.. Den later i saw the monitor lizards there and one was like swimming and there was this little girl beside me shouting, papa papa!!! crocodile!!!!! lol.. i was like smiling to myself.. i wan my daughter to be as cute as her.. lol... after that i went for the prayer meeting in church and i recieved a call from someone in india.. i was rather shocked and then that guy who is 16 told me that i he was there wen i was on my mission trip 3 years back.. and after that, he has been trying to get my contact for like 3 years.. he was like asking me jus now if im goin back there again.. thats like super cool.. wonder when will i go back for missions.. i miss those days..

Intro to the park

Bird nests

Bird (the oni 1 close enuff)

Butterfly - big

Butterfly - small

Spiderweb

Monitor Lizard

Monitor Lizard - His twin brother

Jus For Lafs

Watch me waddle...

Nov 23 08

2008-11-23T21:33:00.003+08:00

This week has been a rather long and tiring week for me.. After not running for like 2 mths, i went for my 4km run on wednesdae and i still managed to complete it with a little problem.. lol.. i think im gonna need more running.. went for another 4km run on thursdae.. this time it was better.. on fri, my dad asked me to go straight to some conference. i was rather tired after the whole week in camp.. went to like northpoint to get my cologne(if tts how its spelt) lol... reached there and it brought back many fond memories.. the place went through mega changes.. so did m life.. hais.. the shop was no longer there anymore but another shop was there.. the prices of the cologne was kinda too steep for me so i decided not to buy it.. rather save it up.. walked around the entire shopping mall for like 1 hour.. hais.. was kinda upset but its ok.. went home to bathe and change.. was comtemplating if i should go for the conference.. in the end i decided to go.. sat morning came and it all started again.. quarrels and i reali hate it.. especially that im home and i wast a little peace and yet its so difficult.. hais.. woke up and suddenly was dragged into a quarrel.. my whole dae was like spoilt alr.. got my ipod and wore my shoes and went for a run.. all i knew and wanted was to get out.. i wish that sometimes there would be someone who would understand wat im goin thru but i think its kinda impossible alr.. went to church todae.. turnout at church was rather low again and the more i see the people, or rather the lack of it, the more i wanted to give up.. but i know that i wont jus give up a calling jus like that but its reali tiring at time.. i feel reali dry.. i see the way members and treating each other and i reali dun feel the love anymore.. hais.. i jus feel like running away.. i just wanna busy myself with stuff so that i wont be able to think of other things.. after service, i decorated the church for christmas.. but i know that no matter how i decorate or put how much effort into it, its dosen matter if the people..... hais.. i reali duno how to out it.. i'm jus bout to blow.. IM TIRED!!

Nov 16 08

2008-11-16T18:33:00.003+08:00

went to church todae.. sometimes i wish that i was like in some mega church den i wont feel so upset.. i mean if people leave or come and go from big churches, we wont reali feel the pinch due to the numbers.. i know cuz i grew up in a big church, serving in there.. service went on fine i guess.. came back home and like 2 hours later, it all starts up again.. quarrels bout the church and people in church.. how i wish sometimes i can jus leave church or maybe jus leave this earth den i wont have to face all these problems anymore.. im reali getting sick and tired of all these problems.. talked to esther bout these problems last week but now its happening again and im starting to give up.. i reali duno how to carry on.. sometimes i even have to fake a smile.. ARGHHHH!!!!!

Nov 15 08

2008-11-15T19:08:00.002+08:00

This morning had to rush back to camp early in the morning to settle the items needed in the NZ exercise.. most of the guys there did not want to do work so they lobo la.. they all go hide at the containers there to thwang la.. i was reali pissed at the attitude la.. but its over.. jus need to get thru this few months.. after that cabbed down to celebrate rachel's birthdae.. went out wif rachel and ferrine to white sands.. took neoprints which was rather wierd for me cuz there was like no guys there at all la.. den had lunch at mac.. ate mac spicy.. my 1st good meal in like a reali long time.. den went to bowl and its took me like 2 games to warm up.. maybe i can use bowling to take up my time so i wont think so much.. but its a reali expensive habit to keep up.. i need to save up but whatever is necessary, i will spend.. i miss how i used to spend my saturdaes.. hais.. the harder i try, the worst i feel.. how come??? later proceeded back to the neoprint area again.. mannnn... girls reali like to take lotsa photos.. waited outside this time den i need my sec sku fwen and she like asked me to go take wif her also.. this is so wierd la.. jus came back home not long ago.. dun reali feel like eating again..

Nov 14 08

2008-11-14T21:59:00.002+08:00

Been reali long since i blogged.. last week i went on an outfield exercise and did not slp for like 72 hours.. did not even bathe of change my clothes for like 3 days la.. den i think all i had was like 2 packs of 'dog' biscuits and 2 packs of veggie biscuits.. did not reali feel like eating.. was kinda stressed with the exercise.. spent the weekend in church.. had byron and team over with us.. after service, i had lunch with the team and they said that worship was like WOW and for the 1st times in months i could actually hear the singing.. talked to aunty joanne bout many things, stuff concerning church and myself.. could'nt control myself and i kinda lost it.. been holding it back in me for a reali long time alr.. this week went for another exercise.. jus that this time, they got the commandos to attack us.. i mean role play with sensors and rifles.. did not slp for like 72 hours again.. this was a rather hard mission and half our battalion was like wiped out la.. todae had to pack the items we need for NZ exercise.. tomorrow need to book back into camp in the morning to settle the items and tie down the lose ends.. will do some last minute edittin for the church tee before i send it for printing.. i reali reali need somebody here.... HAIS!!

Oct 31 08

2008-10-31T21:35:00.002+08:00

This week reali sway la.. i got back to camp on thursdae and it was like i was arrowed to do duty for two days lor.. den i found out that i am havin an local exercise next week from tuesdae till following week tuesdae.. hais.. and things jus dun stop there.. i found out tomorrow, my unit is on activation.. 4ntm leh... sianZ.. need to be on standby 24/7.. hais.. some of the guys at my unit are like treatin me as tho i owe them the world la.. im starting to hate it alr.. hais.. y cant people be nicer??

Oct 28 08

2008-10-28T23:03:00.002+08:00

Tomorrow is the official dae i recieve my army license.. been reali tired out wif my trainin.. i reali need to take a break but i cant seem to find any.. gotta go back to camp tomorrow mornin.. i miss the old times..

Oct 25 08

2008-10-25T21:51:00.003+08:00

This month haven reali been bloggin much.. didnt reali have the time and energy to do so.. been rather stressed out wif my driving course.. finally i have my license for military vehicles.. this week, i brought clarissa to buy a guitar.. she was like super high wen she got the guitar la.. not because it burned a hole in her pocket(as stated by her) but cuz she said it looked cute.. >< and i gave her a short lesson on the guitar playing in raffles city.. hope she'll do as well as she did for grade 5 piano.. hahas.. Good luck wif ur fingers k.. todae my parents quarrelled and as usual, i was the output of their anger.. blah blah blah.. dun wanna talk too much bout it.. sister had project so had to push the practice forward.. had to push back my belated birthdae celebration.. went out with two of the most gorgeous ladies i'd known.. u guys gotta try the prata at century square.. POWER PACK!! yummy.. i wanted more but i have to watch my weight.. after eatin, went to level 2 and i was told that there are no male restrooms on that level.. wat kinda of malls have segregation such as this.. {no male toilets allowed on that floor} this is pure biasness la.. if there was such a word to describe it.. hahas.. super high now.. i recieved an adidas watch for my present.. i can finally strike it off my wishlist.. not that its the most impt reason but because i own it now!! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Came back home and i cooked maggie mee and ate it all.. sighh... there goes my plan to eat less.. need to get outta the house.. if not i'll keep findin food to eat..

Prezzie

Oct 18 08

2008-10-18T23:00:00.005+08:00

This week has been a reali fruitful week for me.. i was one of the two to pass the driving test.. reali thank God i passed.. i tot i failed know.. super scary.. den on thurs and fri went outfield for training.. we had to drive up and down the slopes in the forrests.. fri rained super heavily and my vehicle skidded as i was makin a u-turn on the slope.. they din allow us to use the night vision goggles while driving in there cuz they said we might see things we do not wanna see.. a few of my fwens saw stuff.. super scary la.. jus now i was completing the design for the church tee shirt.. have a few design.. chose this three.. hope they like it..

Church Design

Youth Design 1

Youth Design 2

Oct 12 08

2008-10-12T18:27:00.004+08:00

This week has been rather stressful for me.. had quite a lot of tests for me.. i even failed one of my assessments.. passed it a day after tho.. this tuesdae would be goin for my TP already.. After that should be able to get my liscence.. hope i pass my driving test.. been a reali tiring week for me.. sometimes i wish there was someone who could understand how i reali felt but its hard to find a person who does.. and when u have and then lost it again, the feeling is even worse.. been reminded a lot of my past.... oh ya.. lately i've been like quite blessed.. almost met with 3 accidents while i was driving on the public road.. den the other dae, i was being transported to the other camp in this bus den i was like sitting in front den the bus was involved in a accident.. knocked into two cars.. i was like super lucky la.. but look on the bright side.. it isnt too bad a thing to be called back 'home' earlier rite.. hahas.. todae i was rather dissapointed with the turnout at youth.. its like issit so hard jus to commit oneself jus one dae for God.. hais.. i sometimes feel reali dry.. its like i could choose to join any big church and jus go there every sundae and go back again.. its nice to be where there are many people and sae i feel that God's presense is there and whoaaaa the worship here is powerful.. i mean its jus how humans presume and assume how God would move.. I reali dun like the preconceptions that we humans have.. we cannot denote how God would move and everything.. Tho the church is small, i would rather stay in my church and serve the people here.. life is not always about takin but givin.. as long as i've given my best, i would jus wanna go back home and tell God i've done my part.. thats the best i can do.. people give excuses that theres exams, sku, work, projects etc but have anyone ever considered how it is for me.. mon to sat im at camp and i spend my sat and sun in church.. and the cycle goes on.. i cant possibly sae im too tired God.. see u next week.. i mean would God be like... I'm tired.. u're on ur own todae... do whatever u wan.. No lor.. so why cant we have the same attitude.. i mean goin to church is a commitment and not a chore.. its a pact between u and God.. i do feel like giving up at times.. i mean if no one is willing to make the effort den why should i.. but as i think back, maybe if i do my best and play my part, others would see it and try too.. i reali duno how long i can hold out.. trying to stay positive.. goin back to camp later.. hope this week would turn out better..

Sunrise or Sunset??

What we see is determined by our attitude.. think possitive.. watch the sunrise.. a new day has come.. i'm wishing u all the best.. (u know who)

Oct 01 08

2008-10-01T10:12:00.004+08:00

I was kinda upset yesterday cuz i failed my highway situational problems test. i was like pretty confident that i could pass but as the testers did not have a textbook to follow den it was like they had different standards for testing.. i studied reali hard for it and even my lecturer said i deserved to pass.. i tried to explain to the DXO my problem but all he cared was to defend his testers.. i was pretty pissed last night.. hais.. i was like tellin myself that since todae is a holiday, i should enjoy myself.. but this morning i was like scolded by my mom again.. she sae i use too much electricity and treat others better den her.. i reali dun understand why such things have to happen to me wen i get home.. its like i'm stressed enuff with army stuff and more things have to be added on my shoulder.. hais.. i reali need a break.. tonight have to go back to camp again..

Sept 27 08

2008-09-27T23:49:00.002+08:00

This week i was like learning how to drive that army vehicle on the public road and its was like raining.. Was driving pretty fast and got this dog dashed out from the side of the road.. i wanted to avoid it so i decided to do and emergency brake and my vehicle skidded a good 30 to 40 meters.. i managed to avoid it but i ended getting scolded by my instructor.. hais.. life is jus so fragile.. i was like almost involved in 2 accidents jus in this week.. Life is jus unpredictable.. Jus finished typing the youth notes.. tomorrow would be teaching on emotions or rather why we hold back out emotions.. Pretty tired.. haven been slpin well for the past few weeks.. hais..

Sept 21 08

2008-09-21T19:28:00.002+08:00

This morning i was rather unhappy.. woke up, bathe and changed and den its like i went down to the supermarket and walked around for like 30 mins.. brought back much memories.. sometimes i wish that we could turn back time and reverse some things we have done.. hais.. special moments shared, UNFORGETABLE, sweet time spent, IRREVERSABLE.. Hais..

Sept 14 08

2008-09-14T17:09:00.002+08:00

This year's birthdae was one of the worst.. did not even celebrate.. no cake no nothing.. but i guess its jus me and me alone.. im goin back to camp soon.. dun think anyone bothers so its ok..

Sept 13 08

2008-09-13T13:26:00.002+08:00

This week was quite long for me.. 1st it is my birthdae week and i had to spend it in camp.. and then the bad news came.. i had to be attached to another camp as a trainee for like 8 weeks.. in this duration, i have to book into camp on sundae by 9pm and book out the following week on sat at 1pm.. this is reali frustrating.. 1st i alr dun have enuff time and now this.. hais.. todae is my third dae in my new camp and oso my 1st dae driving in the circuit.. was rather unstressed till my instructor asked me to go to a higher gear.. i made a turn at high speed den almost had an accident.. :( i reali dun feel like carrying on.. hais!!!!

Sep 07 08

2008-09-07T19:03:00.003+08:00

Spent quite some time thinkin this week.. its hasn't been the best of times for me the past few weeks.. think maybe if i kept my feelings to myself den i might jus save everyone the trouble.. hais.. but its makin me miserable inside.. yesterdae i even tried to cheer myself up by goin to giant at parkway parade to walk alone but it jus seemed to make me feel worse.. theres jus somethin missin.. hais.. im reali on the verge on breakin down.. i have to put up this smile where ever i go.. i reali hate this feelin.. todae i have to book back into camp.. its not makin things any better.. im like right at the bottom of the pits and no one to help me up.. IM TIRED..

Aug 31 08

2008-08-31T20:45:00.002+08:00

Todae went to church with much frustration.. jus couldn't find the smile on my face.. i duno if im runnin away from reality.. all i know is that im lettin the people around me affect me.. but i am oni after all human.. hais.. during sermon, nth could like register in my mind lor.. hais.. later went to give out the fliers for the mid autumn festival celebration in the vicinity of the church.. been quite a while since i had any interaction on the streets.. suddenly its all comin back to me again.. to where i belong.. the streets.. i used to love street evangelism but for a reali long time, i was cooped up in church.. finally todae i had the chance to go out there and i made the most outta it.. hais.. life would never be the same again but maybe its time for me to face up with reality.. hurts and pain are all part and parcel of life.. gotta book into camp soon.. hais.. i reali hate this cycle of goin back to camp and everythin.. i jus hurry hope to finish my army.. life is unfair.. who can i tell my deepest darkest thoughts to?? hais..

Aug 30 08

2008-08-30T18:32:00.002+08:00

Feelin like shit.. keep gettin shouted at.. my mom said i treat the whole world as my mom other den her.. Asked me go and die and go to hell.. I was doin the mid autumn festival flier for the church and she said im kpo and wanna suck up to the pastor.. i reali dun understand.. all i am tryin to do is help the church and i dun understand y she jus had to sae that.. maybe i should jus leave.. im reali tired of life lidat.. 1st i lose someone i love and now for somethin i am doin for church is oso wrong.. y does everythin i do jus go wrong.. i reali dun see any meanin in this sort of life.. i reali reali reali feel like givin up.. tomorrow have church.. i reali duno how to go there and sing and give a happy face.. hais..

Aug 29 08

2008-08-29T23:02:00.002+08:00

Have been coopin myself at home.. hais.. feelin rather lifeless and sad.. hais.. if oni there were more meanin to life.. hais.. ate like two cups of macfurry and like one tub of haggenduz icecream.. hais.. i reali dun wan things to be lidat.. im tired.. jus wanna spend quality time.. )):

Aug 28 08

2008-08-28T18:05:00.002+08:00

Todae spent like half the dae designin the mid-autumn festival outreach flier.. gonna have an outreach in my church lor.. this few daes have been rather down but life still carries on.. i ask God y not instead of makin me drag it on and on and get tired, jus take me home.. time have been passing reali slowly and i sometimes wish i could go back to how things were be4.. hais.. w/o knowin, i actually finished one tub of ice cream.. hais.. :(

Aug 24 08

2008-08-24T21:17:00.002+08:00

feelin reali down now.. i jus dun understand.. i have lost too too many things i treasure.. i dun wan history to repeat itself but i find myself fallin into the same predicament again and again.. im reali afraid.. everythin i do, i try to do it to the best and for the concern of others but does anyone ever think the same way to me?? hais.. its hurtin real bad and i cant share it wif anyone.. maybe if God were to take me home, i'll be more than grateful.. todae went to run the army half marathon(21km) den was kinda ok.. wasn't feelin well but kinda forcin myself to complete it.. i was tryin to vent all my frustration on my feet and get it all out but it didn't seem to work.. hais.. 19km mark and i had leg cramps but i forced myself to continue and im kinda in pain now.. but wat is physical pain compared to the emotional pain im facin.. who can help relieve that pain?? im hurtin deep inside but i'll keep it in to avoid hurtin those around me..

Aug 24 08

2008-08-24T18:51:00.003+08:00

Are promises reali that difficult to keep?? its been reali hard for me and i finally managed to step out of it and den i sank in and now im stuck again.. hais.. i'm reali afraid that i cant take it anymore.. hais.. maybe this was jus meant to be.. i couldn't worship at all in church and nothin from the preachin got in.. i reali cant think at all.. If its gotta be lidat, God please take me back.. It aint too hard for u rite.. im tired...

Aug 23 08

2008-08-23T10:30:00.003+08:00

God why are u doin this to me.. im alr hurtin and now it hurts even more.. i used to look forward to every night but now im dreadin the time i have to pass all alone.. it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts IT REALI HURTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! why are things lidat now?? I tell myself maybe tomorrow would be better and for a change i wouldn't be jus staring at my phone but NO i'm still waiting and waiting.. God do u purposely do this to me cuz its fun?? im reali hurting and jus wen i found comfort, u take it away.. y do u do this.. I HATE MYSELF!!!

Aug 22 08

2008-08-22T23:17:00.002+08:00

Why is God so unfair.. Why does he like doin such things to me?? isn't all good and perfect things from him?? den why take it away jus wen i get it.. Why do u have to be this way.. im reali tired with life like this.. if life were to be this way den maybe life isn't worth living for.. i alr surrendered everything to u God but why this?? its hurts alot.. todae i din feel like goin to church lor but i still went and i had to force myself to smile and sing.. i gave up halfway cuz i knew i couldn't carry on.. im reali tired... i jus wish it was like be4.. God WHY!!!!!! im tired of crying...

Aug 17 08

2008-08-17T19:05:00.003+08:00

Yesterdae spent the whole dae at nee soon range for my ATP firing package.. super sian la.. came back to camp bout like 11 plus pm lidat den have to clean rifle.. super sian la.. the mantainance is veri mafan la.. todae after book out went to vivo.. finally managed to catch the movie money no enuff 2.. ate like super a lot todae and im super full la.. reali enjoyed myself.. jus came back not long ago and i gotta go back to camp soon.. tomorrow will be doin the hell training again.. hais.. i think i made her angry wif me.. i duno wat i did but certainly she's not to be blamed.. feelin rather crappy now.. if anyone ever asked me y, i would sae its all worth it..

Aug 15 08

2008-08-15T13:13:00.004+08:00

Tuesdae was the start of 'hell training'. it was started by my sergeant major to train us la.. super sian lor.. tuesdae i had like to run up and down 1000 steps + 1.2km + 45 diamond push ups + 50 x 4 alt leg thrust + 50 x 4 jumping jacks + many more la.. wednesdae i had like to run 4.8km and do like 3 mins bridge + 30 dips + 50 x 4 jumping jacks + 50 x 4 alt leg thrust + many many more.. den thursdae i had to like do 650 pull ups shared with like another 9 guys + 50 push ups + 1.2km run + 20 x 4 jumping jacks + 20 x 4 alt leg thrust + 25 x 4 'row boat'. This week has been i would sae a trying onefor me.. physically, i'm stressed.. I wish i was outta the army now la.. hais.. Now im aching all over and todae actually have to go east coast park run 16km but im on MC so i dun have to go run.. thank God.. hais... tonigt still need go back camp cuz i have live firing tomorrow.. hais.. y does my weekend have to be this way.. sighhhhh!!!!!!

Aug 10 08

2008-08-10T20:43:00.002+08:00

why do i keep saying the wrong things at the wrong time... Why m i soo dumb.. feelin so lousy now la... )':

Aug 10 08

2008-08-10T17:09:00.003+08:00

Pretty upset last night.. was looking forward for todae.. woke up at like 3 plus and couldn't slp alr.. bathed and went to church.. todae the chinese group was like leading and i was like kinda like playing by ear cuz i din know what they were singin la.. din reali feel like playin in the 1st place.. to think i even gelled my hair to surprise someone la.. youth was alrite but the worship was rather horrible.. i think i messed up like one whole song la.. i reali cant believe it la.. i was like playin wrong chords throughout the song la.. dunno when will i be out from army again.. hafta go back to camp tonight.. It seems like im fallin deeper and deeper again.. WILLINGLY.. i guess life is jus this way.. Im TIRED!!

Me - Depicted by Grace

Grace

Serene

Aug 09 08

2008-08-09T18:15:00.003+08:00

The parade has started and im like in my own room all alone.. dun feel like eatin dinner.. was like gonna check somethin on the computer outside den my sister was usin and she shouted at me and i was like scolded again.. as usual.. theres like no difference from me comin out.. tot todae would be different but things jus dun turn out the way we want it.. but family is more impt.. i oso dun wan to get anyone scolded.. everyone else are like watchin the parade outside.. i cant wait for tonight to come.. :((

Aug 09 08

2008-08-09T13:45:00.002+08:00

I have this friend from my poly who asked me issit worth it to wait for someone u love and i replied yes.. Life is a choice and i do not believe in fate.. It is life's choices that would either make us or break us.. The choices we make in our lives is gonna mould us to become what we are and what we will be.. I was walking at carrefour the other day and i saw this sign sayin a happy family.. How i wish and wish that maybe, jus maybe that could be one day true for me.. All i wan is for someone to walk through life with me, hand in hand.. Supporting each other.. To me, whats most impt is that she's happy.. I wanna see that smile on her face.. And maybe someday.. Jus maybe someday...........

Aug 07 08

2008-08-07T21:22:00.002+08:00

Todae i was veri depressed since morning and now im even feelin worse.. all im finding for is for a person to stand by me and share everythin wif me.. ARGHHHH!!!!!!!

Aug 02 08

2008-08-02T20:53:00.006+08:00

This week rather tiring for me.. not supposed to run the SOC training but cuz of this guy go act smart, go ask if we need go den kena.. SianZ la.. Den over all everything was alrite.. Friday morning had this 20km run but i kinda wasn't feeling well so i took MC.. Clever rite.. hahas.. Den later in the evening had to rush down to Jurong camp to take photo for the 3rd division promotion treat.. super sian la.. den this morning i had the greatest time ever.. went to suntec there and ya i was super happy.. later rushed down to church for practice den later went with my family to eat at downtown east.. Feast ur eyes on these!!!!

Soup

Appetizers

Main Course

Dessert

My Artwork

Jul 30 08

2008-07-30T11:54:00.013+08:00

The day of our performance finally arrived.. I was rather nervous cuz we were gonna perform in front of like near 700 people la.. wen i woke up, my throat was a little sore and i was like oh sh*t... i cant sing.. hais.. then i was like wonderin wat to do and i was like drinking lots and lots of water la.. i had to pack my bag for army cuz i was gonna rush straight down from there to my camp lor.. Had quite a lot of fun lor.. reached there bout 6 plus and set up our instruments.. Food was alrite and i was like pretty nervous before our performance that i was like 'i wanna use the toilet now.. NOW!!!!' hahas.. Some pics and videos........

The band - w/o me

Chloe - if thats how its spelt..

Dinner @ Roland Restaurant - w/o me

Nuts About Nuts

I Believe I Can Fly - Presenting CCR

Shou Qian Shou - Presenting CCR

Then later today i saw my neighbour with a new dog and she was like "i found this".. and it was like so cute la.. She also so cute la..

My Neighbour

Jul 25 08

2008-07-25T22:10:00.003+08:00

I kinda found out that on the 31 of dec i have like my combat shoot and i wont be able to attend the watchnight service.. why are things turning out this way... hais.. todae i kinda woke up at like 5.30 and its was like super cold la.. i was freezing and i went to bathe la.. crazy rite.. den i rushed down to east coast park for the trailblazers run la.. its a 15 km run at east coast park.. i nvr knew that running at east coast park could be so long and i nvr thought that the park would be that long la.. i like always cycle my bike there and it like takes me less than an hour to complete the entire round back and fro la.. and today it seemed so far lor.. i was like running for wat seemed like hours and then i saw this sign that stated that i jus passed the 2km mark... hahas... kiddin.. it was like 8 mins i think and ya.. but it reali seemed like hours la.. the track nvr cease to end la.. and i was like running and running and i was like tree on my left, tree on my right, more trees more trees.. hahas.. super sian la.. den at the 11 km mark i kinda felt my muscles reacting and stretching but i still continued to run and at bout 13km i suffered from like an accute cramp on my right calve la.. super pain lor.. rested for like 2 mins lidat den i walked to the end point la.. today went to vivo city and i reali enjoyed myself there.. Duno i laf how long la.. oh ya... i got this reali short short hair cut la.. and now im home.. tomorrow have the performance at roland restaurant and im kinda nervous bout the whole thing lor.. hope everything would go smoothly la.. den summore tomorrow have to book into camp cuz the next day i have gpmg live firing la.. how i wish i dun have to go.. If only can get MC.. lol.. super tired la.. den next fri cannot book out cuz have to like go down to jurong camp to take photo of some NS event.. some promotion thingy that dosen even involve me la.. hais... Life in the army is reali getting worse.. i wan out.. Counting down till wen i get outta the army... YAYYYYY.. hais!!!

Jul 24 08

2008-07-24T21:12:00.002+08:00

This week was rather short but i think i made a lot of mistakes in such a short period of time.. Kinda regretted some decisions but wats done cannot be undone.. Wednesdae had gpmg training on how to strip and assemble it, how to load and fire it and everything.. kinda a long day but it was rather fun la.. todae i had my technical handling test to see if i can handle the weapon.. did kinda well.. tomorrow have to report straight to east coast park for a 15 km run at like 6.45am la.. and its like gonna be like super long run lor.. was upset bout some stuff thats happening in camp.. this sunday wont be able to go to church cuz i have to like go for gpmg live firing and i dun understand why they wanna choose to put it on a sunday.. life is jus so unfair.. reali stressed with life lidat.. hais!!!

Jul 22 08

2008-07-22T13:56:00.003+08:00

Its been a long time since i posted anything here.. been rather stressed out with the army stuff.. in fact tonight i go back camp, den tomorrow hafta go design another flier for the 3rd division promotion treat.. :(( Last week was a rather upsetting week for me and all the events that took place was like one bomb dropping after another and cracks seemed to surface from the depths.. hais.. I jus know that no matter wat, things would nvr be the same again.. haven reali been in the best of moods.. i went to this mission conference and i met my missions director there.. i was wondering if people really knew and understand the meaning of saying "here i am, send me.." its a veri big commitment to make and people should really understand the meaning of it.. Wen i was there, it brought back many thoughts.. memories of my mission trip.. I remembered it was like my 1st mission trip and there were like 21 of us, students of ywam. We were supposed to pray and ask God on where we should go for our mission trip and well we were supposed to break into even groups of 7 without communicating what God told us.. I prayed and i heard and audible voice from God saying "India".. well i was rather reluctant to go there at 1st and i felt like running away from that calling.. i decided to take the chance and ask God for another sign.. I decided to play 'roll and pick' and i kinda picked India again and well i guess there's no turning back but i was super unwilling to go there so i ask my dad to pray and he got the word India too.. I mean this is reali God's calling and indeed that trip made an impact on me and changed me.. I learned to trust God not in the abundance but also in the lack.. How if we let go wat is in our hands for God and God would release what is in His hands for us.. Up till now i can still remember how the Lord graciously provided for my expenses and air ticket through someone i do not know and this has helped me trust in Him totally.. All i can say is that if God has a purpose for u and a calling for u, He would find ways and means to provide and pave a way for u.. Indeed without man, God will not and without God, MAN CANNOT.

tina has got nothing to do

2008-07-21T10:46:00.004+08:00

kor, im damn bored. how ar?

Jul 14 08

2008-07-14T20:02:00.004+08:00

ARGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

No words can explain how i feel right now.. wat a way for me to go back to camp.. Its jus perfect.. feelin like SHIT!!!!!!!!!! ITS NOT OKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!

Jul 13 08

2008-07-13T22:44:00.003+08:00

Been practicin a lot for the performance.. now i can hit almost every note in that chinese song except this one reali high note and ya i'll be screamin it.. hahas.. been quite buzz with the youth stuff and i finally got a good youth resource book.. guess i'll be takin lessons outta it to teach in the youth group.. Yesterdae i was at church after my duty at camp den i was listenin to the adults talk and on how faithful this one christian girl i know.. how she was willing give her time up for God and not compromise or submit to peer pressure.. If oni my youth group had people like her or even best, her.. lol.. i look back and think.. kinda printed out the tee shirt designs and was letting the people choose.. gonna send it for printing soon.. todae service was ok.. played a few wrong notes here and there, addin up to quite a handful.. lol.. wasn't reali concentratin.. den i later brought the youth outta lunch.. den proceeded to the youth lesson.. talked on generosity and all.. sometimes we think that we give a lot but if we give in our abundance, its not generosity lor.. its givin in our lack wen true generosity is seen.. many said been there, experienced that but wat is the true motive of our givin?? after youth, came back home.. did a little cookin.. was learning from my grandma.. i cooked curry fish head and drunken prawns.. lol.. not bad for a 1st timer.. anyways was reali lookin forward to todae.. *hint hint* if u get wat i mean.. lol.. gotta go back camp tomorrow.. sianZ!!!

Jul 09 08

2008-07-09T10:29:00.003+08:00

"Life is fragile so enjoy every moment of it".. So i've heard... Been rather stressed with army life.. 1st there was the SAF dae thing and i was like in charge of the design.. Finally its over and cuz of some dumb reason, i was given one extra duty.. People are jus so careless.. Why cant people jus show more responsibility wen tasks are assigned to them.. It isn't too difficult lor.. Hais.. Its over and tiger trial came up.. Den i dunno why i always get to do all this stuff.. I seriously need a break.. Took off from tuesdae till thursdae.. Church stress also gettin to me.. they pressin me for the report liao.. Financial reports, youth reports and everything.. I reali need and pray that sometimes there would be someone there to help me.. but in the end i always end up in greater dissapointments.. 'Maybe this jus aint my cup' i would sae to myself but when i wake up, i have to face up with reality.. This is mt burden to bare and if it be alone, then so it shall be.. It does not matter how a person starts this race but how he completes it.. I think to meself at times why i have to be in this position and why not someone else.. Is life meant to be unfair?? i once asked a friend of mine why is life so unfair?? and she replied.. 'life is jus unfair to some people.. so bare with it..' i was jus typing this post when the song turn your eyes upon jesus sounded.. U might call this coincidence but i think maybe i should do as the song goes.. I will run this race, i will fight this fight and I WILL COMPLETE THIS RACE.. its might be difficult and tiring, but i would overcome all these obstacles..

Jul 02 08

2008-07-02T01:48:00.003+08:00

Monday was an okok day lor.. woke up earlier to go runnin den later had to go office settle the last minute documents needed for the parade.. I was kinda in a rush and after i completed the stuff, i actually handed it to one of my guys to pass it to the other person.. Den i went off for the SAF day rehersal.. was there for quite long.. Thueday morning had to leave camp by 6am and i was like in a rush la.. Den i din go think bout those documents and jus went down to the other camp.. Reached there, deployed my guys and then my signal warrant officer asked me if i had passed the documents over.. i told him i assigned the other person to do so but i guess he did not.. Den i managed to get one other guy in camp to locate the documents and bring it down.. i was like awarded 1 extra duty la.. i mean its so unfair for me lor.. Its not even my fault.. Den its was kinda raining and i din let my guys stand in the rain so i did the traffic control on my own and i was like stopping this big big big bus and it was like skidding and i was like running backwards till i was inbetween the bus in front and his.. it like almost made a pancake outta me la.. thankfully i was fine lor.. reached camp bout like 11 plus, bathe and do all my admin stuff and book out lor.. was given today off for the whole batallion and tomorrow have to book in.. Jus reached home not long ago.. Pretty upset bout some events and oso kinda stressed.. tiger trail is comin up and i am in charge of the multi media team so i guess i wont be running this 16 km.. Aug need run 21 km tho.. hahas.. kinda wishin for a change in this life.. later need book in.. super sian... :((

Jun 29 08

2008-06-29T21:19:00.003+08:00

today was kinda a long dae for me.. woke up bout 8plus den went to bathe.. Had to go down to church for service.. Was rather sad bout the turnout in church.. Seriously i jus cant think why people cant take aside time.. I mean its jus one sunday in a week, 4 days in a month.. I heard that i have to submit the yearly report and planning for the financial year of 2009 next week.. Pretty stressed with all these.. After service, i practiced the chinese song i'll be performing sometime in 2 plus weeks.. Kinda gettin the hang of it and ya.. its kinda high.. lol.. if u get my gist.. later went out with my family to get my sister her birthday gift.. After this week, saf dae would be over and i could be less stressed with onne thing.. Needa book into camp later.. Hope that this week would go smoothfully.. Tiredddd....

Jun 27 08

2008-06-27T17:58:00.002+08:00

This week was pretty long for me.. had to do the saf dae prep.. jus now i think i said something wrong and upset someone.. i duno wat i did... maybe if i hadn't spoken soo much.. :'(

Jun 21 08

2008-06-21T16:21:00.003+08:00

Its been at least 2 weeks since i last blogged and many things happened inbetween.. This week has been reali long for me and i've been through so much that i sometimes feel like givin up.. Mondae was a pretty long dae cuz i was like in the office preparing the documents for SAF dae parade and all.. dun wanna talk bout it la.. i had guard duty that night too.. didn't get much slp.. den tuesdae came, i had to for some meeting and also had training.. super tiring la.. reali stressed with the army.. My pimples are like poppin out.. i have 2 now.. so depressing.. hais.. den i was doing the SAF dae parade stuff till like 1 plus in the morning.. everyone else was like slping la.. was kinda like upset cuz i was like all alone and the feelin is not reali good la.. wenesdae woke up at 5 plus to go down to SAFTI for the parade practice and i was like doin traffic control la.. i was in charge of the largest sector la.. and like that dae almost got into accident la.. slpt around 2 at night.. recieved a call i was waiting for and all that person asked for was top up card number.. That reali hurt.. i've been tryin my best and i dunno wat to do now.. feelin reali crappy.. woke up at 5 plus again on thursdae to go 4SAB to set up the PA system for the commanders dialogue and safety talk.. Super tired la.. good thing i did not fall aslp.. i had like less than 10 hrs of slp in 3 daes la.. was rather tired.. Fridae was on my way to the parade ar 6am in the vehicle and it was like raining reali heavily.. Was driving along the road and the a lightning jus stroke beside my vehicle lor.. I saw my life jus flash by and the happenings that took place.. this strike reali knocked me to my senses.. Life is so fragile and we could be gone anytime.. Im reali tired of this kinda life and i was wondering if God was tryin to take me home but He kinda missed.. :( den later in the dae i was like almost knocked down by both an army vehicle and a commercial bus.. This is too close for comfort.. Im reali tired.. hais.. Saturdae brought my grandma and dad and sister outta eat.. ordered curry fish head and other stuff for them eat.. kinda ate bread and curry but din reali have any appetite la.. jus finished practice and im wishin that things can get better.. Falling sick and i can jus feel it comin.. hais.. nvm..

Jun 12 08

2008-06-12T22:04:00.003+08:00

Monday i had soc training in the morning and it was rather tiring.. need to draw rifle and all den still need to wear the combat uniform.. After that i was like sabo-ed by my warrant officer to join him for the meeting la.. and as usual i was the lowest ranking there again.. Had a meeting for SAF day from 3pm till like late at night.. Super tired lor.. Then my branch kena arrowed to do the designing for SAF dae la.. den i kena all the work lor.. tuesdae went outcamp to recce the place they were gonna hold the parade.. We had to like fix the holding area and all the scanning areas.. Den need to design the different signs for the occassion.. wednesdae was doin the design for SAF dae.. I was like the oni one doin it la.. Super stressed den suddenly came up a deadline to finish it by next wednesdae.. Den later i was like super upset by some message.. it was rather saddening la.. 4get it!!!

Jun 08 08

2008-06-08T19:22:00.002+08:00

This week haven reali been in the best of moods la.. Im rather stressed out with the army stuff cuz there was like the security checks and all those physical training.. I mean the people in the army are quite insensitive to the need to the soldiers.. Jus to win the best unit competition and all, they train us like animals.. I'm getting reali tired of the training.. There is no time for recovery la.. Then also got the SAF day coming up and i have to go design all the stuff needed for the occasion.. I hope that next week's training would be better.. We having our youth camp this comin week on fri to sun.. Planned everything alr and hope that it would be better than the last.. Took leave on fri from the army.. I duno if approved yet so i hope that can go.. Yesterdae marked an important dae.. Its my 1st year mark in the army.. I have like 363 days left in the army.. I hope it hurry ends then i can be free.. They goin off on the 13th.. i hope and pray that they will be kept safe.. sighhh.. pretty upset la.. this week was tryin to keep myself occupied with stuff.. I read this reali good book.. Its called extreme church makeover. Its a reali good book.. I hope that i can make a difference after all this.. I wanna see growth in the church and i wanna see maturity in the youths in the church.. One very impt point is that we have to know our purpose in the church and that the church is not a hospital to the wounded BUT it is a military outpost to storm the enemy's fortress.. I think its reali impt to understand that point so we can know wat we have to do.. Another point brought up was that we have to know the enemy's agenda.. Satan wants to divide us.. Divide the mind so that a double minded person would be unstable in his ways, divide the home so that a home divided against itself cannot stand and divide the body of christ because united we stand, divided we fall. I think we need to stand together and face the storm and there would be a rainbow after the rain.. I reali hope that this day would come soon cuz im reali dry and tired.. Im on the verge of givin up.. I seriously need someone to understand and help me.. Today at church i was pretty upset with the people.. Why cant they jus worship God for who He is and all.. I mean its not as if we would be paid if more people worship.. Hais.. I made a lot of mistakes while playing and i was not able to concentrate la.. Gotta be strong and carry on.. No matter how hard it is..

Jun 07 08

2008-06-07T20:15:00.002+08:00

Todae i woke up at like 6 plus 7 lidat and it was raining lor.. Super nice weather to slp in la.. had a reali lovely time this morning and i was like bein cheered up by someone special la.. hahas.. i was like in bed from then till about around 10 plus la.. den my dad came in and scolded me for not washin my army clothes.. I was like ok wait but i still got scolded.. :( After that accompanied my grandma for breakfast.. brought her out to eat la.. den i accompanied my younger sister to ACM to get information for her to write her report.. It was like raining and i was like almost drenched la.. Todae i wasn't reali in the best of moods.. Pretty stressed with the youth stuff and church.. Still got other stuff.. I dun understnad at times wats happening.. It jus happens so fast.. Went to church for practice and i wasn't reali able to concentrate on it.. i cant explain the feelin.. Jus feelin reali lousy.. i reali duno y i do.. been soooo long... HAIS!!! :'[

Jun 07 08

2008-06-07T08:18:00.002+08:00

Thursdae i had ippt test and i was like super choinging la.. did pretty well and then later had to go office to settle some admin stuff.. There was this security check that was gonna be conducted and i was checking for errors.. good thing i was lookin through the keypress book and found like 2 mistakes la.. If not i sure sign extra duties wan.. then came fridae.. again i was praying for rain and it looked like it was gonna rain in the mornin but sighhhh it dint.. went for my 12 km run and i was like super super tired liao la.. finished in the top 20.. i cant stop thinkin..... hais.....

Jun 04 08

2008-06-04T12:53:00.003+08:00

Mondae i had to represent the signal warrant officer to sit in a meeting about SAF dae.. Waited for like an hour before they started the meeting.. I was like the lowest ranking person in there la.. There was like 7 captains, 1 major and 2 master sgts.. and im a lowly sgt.. hais.. Was arrowed to do many things.. My warrant officer is in charge on the overall design of SAF dae and im sure He'll 'arrow' me to do it lor.. After the meeting, i skipped lunch and rushed down for my ICCT revision and mock grading test.. Was super tired la.. kinda got injured while training but its ok.. Tuesdae was in the office designing SAF day stuff.. Then went for my ICCT test.. Did pretty well.. Was rather tired after the stick fighting.. Todae an officer came into my branch and asked me to design the batallion anniversary cake.. Its was rather ok i guess.. Was rather upset but a comment jus now.. Its like i was in the S3 branch (Operations) when a junior officer asked me some questions and some people were 'arrowed' to run in some trail.. then they were like blaming me for it when it was a direct order from the higher authorities.. I reali dun understand why these people are lidat.. Its not me who decided all these la.. In office and im not supposed to use this.. FRUSTRATED!!!!!!

Jun 01 08

2008-06-01T16:03:00.004+08:00

Last night slpt early cuz i was reali tired.. I like fell aslp almost immediately after chargin my phone la.. this morning went to church and i was quite upset bout the turnout in church.. Why issit that people cant jus commit themselves.. i mean its like jus one dae in a week, 4 daes in a month that they come to church la.. Issit reali that difficult?? hais.. she came to church todae.. made a few mistakes during the praise and worship.. Was kinda thinkin bout lotsa things.. Jus now i felt like a piece of plastic as tho i was transparent.. That feeling is reali indescribable.. hais.. i thought maybe if i dun think bout it, it wouldn't hurt jus as much.. but its like i cant help but do it.. hais.. it jus issnt the same anymore.. how do i and how can i face up with reality?? i reali duno wat to do liao.. i reali dunno wat i was thinkin and doin la.. i'm lost.. later still have to go back to camp.. sighhhh!!! I jus heard something on tv... courage is not the absence on fear but jus that there is something more important than fear in life.. i hope that one dae i can face this all with courage.. hais..

May 31 08

2008-05-31T21:30:00.002+08:00

After bloggin this morning, brought my grandma down to loyang point for breakfast.. i saw this on someone's tee-shirt.. It read 'Life is looking through the windscreen of a car, not the rear view mirror.' I reali agree with this statement.. We should look forward to the future and what it has for us and not back at the past.. we should also have a wider perspective of things.. It reali got me thinkin and i reali duno if i can do it.. Its easy for me to sae but if i have to act on it, its reali difficult.. the hurt is there and i duno how to stop the pain.. Sometimes i ask God why if He knew that its gonna hurt so much, Why did He allow it to happen?? But then again i cant blame God and i dun blame Him.. Im jus gonna wait like i have been.. Hope God would help me.. Had practice at church and i bought 3 more CDs to add to my collection.. bought a notice board for the youth also.. I feel reali drained out at times cuz i try puttin in the effort but the youth dun seem to be growing and it jus makes me feel more and more depressed each dae.. I hope that one dae i can see the fruit of my labour.. I ask God why cant we be like those big mega churches.. then i got this.. Size doesn't matter boy... See gideon and his small army that defeated the army of thousands.. See little david that defeated goliath.. i see His point the size doesn't matter but it sure does help.. I feel reali sad when i see people leaving.. I duno why but i cant help it.. Im reali physically and spiritually tired.. Sometimes i wish there's someone hu can stand aside me to help in the youth and church.. I reali wanna see growth and physical increase.. But i cant do it alone.. I jus dun see the effort of the youth to do their part.. Y issit that wen we go to conferences, we can jump shout and sing but in our service they cant.. Does it mean that God only present in big churches or He dwells in places where there are many people.. I reali cant understand this point.. I reali need God's help.. I reali cant take much more of this.. Jus now my mei tok to me.. she kinda tried cheerin me up but i asked myself if i was reali able to face up to my problems or am i jus running away from it.. I hope that one dae i can face her boldly and sae YES i have overcame it and i can face all my problems.. It reali hurts and sometimes i need someone to be here for me..

May 31 08

2008-05-31T09:17:00.003+08:00

Today jus started and i woke up at like 6 plus.. i kinda thought i've gotten over everything but yesterdae proved me wrong.. sometimes i wish that time would and could be rewinded and kept forever.. sighhh.. Its got me thinkin.. Am i actually ready or am i jus escaping from reality.. Everydae is like a nightmare to me.. I jus live each dae jus to get through to another one of these daes.. There is jus no meanin.. A few more daes and it would be a reali special dae.. too bad it did not last.. i jus pray for one thing.. God!!!!!! Hais.. after next fridae, i have one more year in the army.. Hopefully it would pass fast.. I cant take this life like this for long.. Its tirin to walk alone..

May 30 08

2008-05-30T23:15:00.002+08:00

Monday was ok... Had a hockey game in the morning against the combat engineers. had a lack of players due to injuries so we played with 9 man. we were 2 man short.. sigh... i had to play centerback and it was like pretty unsecure as they can attack from any area.. managed to stop them from scoring any goals.. pretty happy bout that.. Had ICCT (close combat training) in the afternoon.. learnt front breakfall, back breakfall and bar lock and back lock..had to keep falling and land with the proper technique to break less bones.. Its called breakfall for a purpose but i think its kinda useless as it would like break more bones and cause more damage lor.. den later had to leave for guard duty.. had a pretty tiring dae.. did duty till the next morning.. stayed up most parts of the night.. slept for like 2 hours oni.. tuesdae had ippt training in the morning.. did running and pull ups and all that strength training.. super stressed la.. almost pulled out all my hair.. watevers left of it.. hahas.. Had ICCT training in the afternoon.. learnt side breakfalls and some locks.. pretty tired.. same old techniques.. muscles cramping la.. wednesdae had ICCT training in the morning.. super tired.. there's like no recovery time la.. learnt back breakfall and rolling breakfalls.. was super fun la.. i was like rolling all over the entire hall la.. den thursdae had a full dae of ICCT training.. had to learn all the locks and how to counter them.. I partnered with the indian guy and he like almost ripped my hand apart la.. super pain.. anyways im now made of paper so its ok.. Then here comes the fun part.. there was this 10.2 km run this morning and i was like praying reali hard on thursdae night that it would rain on fridae morning and den i went to slp.. I woke up at 5.45 for 5BX and i realised that it was raining.. den i thanked God but it stopped at 7 am and i had to run.. Sighhhh.. Y cant it jus last a little longer la.. Super sian lor.. Muscle aching liao den still have to run.. took bout 50 mins to run 10.2km.. I was like pushin myself alr.. hahas.. den i later went back for my icct training in the afternoon.. Did release from neck lock, underarm lock 1 and 2.. susper pain la those two.. finished den rushed down for the outreach at church.. Got new people from mynmar and china there.. I think one accepted lor.. Super tiring week for me.. Need REST!!!

May 25 08

2008-05-25T20:13:00.002+08:00

This morning woke up, wasn't reali feelin well but i still went to church.. Todae we have a speaker from the US and it was a rather happening service.. Everything went well but the sermon was like reali reali long.. lasted from like 10.30 till 1.40 lidat.. Had to push youth back till 2.30.. had a fun time playin charades and later i told them the plans for the youth camp and all.. rather long dae and tiring also.. Tomorrow have a hockey match against the combat engineers.. Muz win this match.. Later have to book into camp.. Hais.. UPSET!!!

May 24 08

2008-05-24T20:11:00.002+08:00

Todae started off fine.. went to whitesands to post something and den went for breakfast with my family at central.. was rushing through the design of the youth board thingy.. practice was at 3 lidat so wen down to practice.. Clarissa kept talkin to me bout baby and how cute he/she was.. hahas.. found it rather amusing.. was explainin to her bout the hammies and how they are cared for.. she dropped hammie by accident.. :( practice went on as usual but smart me decided to walk off halfway into the practice to print out the youth stuff but it proved rather a bad move.. Was scolded by my dad and later a member of the choir noted and said that there was tension between me and my sister and my sister like pushed all the blame to me.. Saying that i should off my phone during practice and all cuz its distracting me and distracting me is equals to distracting her too.. hais.. came back home to get a second round of lectures behind closed doors.. i dun understand why things have to be this way.. its like from monday to friday, im in camp suffering and also have to plan the youth activities and i come out on a friday to spend almost the whole of saturdae and sundae in church and its activities.. Sometimes i jus wish for a little appreciation and encouragement but as a pastor's kid its rather hard cuz people see you with colored shades and they think that jus cause i am a pastor's kid so i have to be super spiritual and sinless but i have my struggles and burdens too.. I can share and carry the burdens of my youths and friends but when i have a problem, its reali hard to share it with anyone.. And i feel people tend to overlook things i do as though its part of my job or part of me.. Cuz i have to do it and all.. this can be rather destructive.. I keep myself buzz at times so i wont think bout certain issues that i have not been able to let go.. I jus sometimes wish i could have a shoulder i can lean on.. God is there for me but sometimes i need someone i can see to lean on.. its reali hard to depend on the fact that i know God cares but i jus feel reali tired.. My sister said jus now that if i cant live a peaceful day on earth, why do i wanna live on den.. This reali got me thinkin.. is there anything i can live on for?? People i trust and love and care for have been hurting me over and over again.. I wanna be there for them and care for them but whos there to care for me.. i jus cant feel it.. I'm reali tired... HELP ME JESUS!!!

May 23 08

2008-05-23T21:13:00.002+08:00

Wednesday was quite a tiring day.. had ippt test early in the mornin and i was like pretty upset bout how i performed.. hais... was pretty thankful to a certain someone who tried cheering me up wen i wasn't too happy.. after the test, went to the office.. had to design a card or something for SAF day la.. thursdae was my match against mindef.. in the mornin had ippt training which i shouldn't have participated in cuz it proved to be a reali bad mistake later on in the dae.. sis interval speed training.. had to run 1 round about the stadium in 1.30 mins for like 6 rounds and did pushups, pull ups, crunches, flutterkicks and all those.. later i went for my match and bout 20 mins into the game, i have a pulled a muscle.. couldn't reali walk.. my team played 10 mins without a leftback and that was wen they scored 1 goal.. was pretty upset and blaming myself.. went back to play in the second half and din reali run cuz my leg still hurts.. this morning, i was actually excused from the run due to yesterday's injury but there was this guy in my bunk that kept sayin that i should join and hockey was not an excuse.. i was pretty mad at him and i was like 'fine la.. i run lor'.. so well i ran like 8.4km.. was reali tiring and now my calves are hurtin but i guess it should be fine soon.. back at home and feeling hungry so im gonna cook maggie mee!!! JOY!!!!! hahas..

May 20 08

2008-05-20T19:24:00.002+08:00

Today i have to report back to camp and im pretty upset bout it.. stayed at home most part of the dae and was preparing for the youth camp thingy.. Mom came home and started scolding me for no reason.. den they were goin for prayer meetin and scolded me again and i totally lost it.. sighhh.. i've been tryin my best for the youth grp alr but y cant they see it.. Its reali stressful with the army and all and now the youth and family.. i reali need a good long break and someone to walk it thru with me.. goin to camp soon.. hais...

May 19 08

2008-05-19T20:42:00.002+08:00

Today was one of the most boring days in my life.. was a holidae and i decided to another dae off for tomorrow to get a long weekend.. woke up bout like 8 am lidat and then did some youth stuff.. needed to update the board ma.. den later went for lunch at east coast park there.. No appetite so jus drank soya bean lor.. den later proceeded to giant duno for wat.. jus following the sisters.. lol.. den went back home to do more of the youth paperwork.. fell aslp at bout 6.30 and woke up at 7.30.. wat a borin life.. need to find something more interestin to do.. haahs..

May 18 08

2008-05-18T21:58:00.002+08:00

Todae woke up and whole body was achin even worse.. was kinda grumpy, had my bath and then went downstairs get breakfast for my mom.. proceeded to church and practiced for the main service.. church went pretty well.. after that had youth cell and i kinda facilitated it.. brought back a lot of memories.. today's topic was on discipleship and how God discipline us.. and it showed me all the things God has done in my life and through my life.. den later i came home and rewatched the movie again.. its called facing the giants... Its expounds on how we should build up iron walls as defences against the devil.. as an individual and as a team we need to build up a wall against the enemy.. we need to stop the devil from breakin us up from the outside.. its also teaches us that we muz not give up when we are weary.. we need to press on..

May 17 08

2008-05-17T22:27:00.002+08:00

Todae woke up with a reali huge backache.. actually my whole body is achin due to the training.. sighh.. i reali need a good long break from the army.. after woke up, did some admin stuff for the youth and den went on to have lunch with my family.. after that went to church for practice... reorganised the positioning of the floor monitors and other stuff.. did some minor changes to the sound and all.. reali tiring working by myself.. hahas.. practice went rather well.. went to parkway after that.. got lotsa fruits from the cold storage.. Fruits GLORIOUS fruits!!!!! lol.. had dinner there and went to trumpet praise.. got two new CDs.. weren't too bad.. planning to introduce to church sometime soon.. got home and bathe and watched this movie.. its called facing something giants.. hahas.. reali good thoughts to bring back.. nothing is inpossible for God and no one can close a door that God has opened.. God mentioned 'Do not fear' 365 times on different occasions in the bible and i think he reali meant it.. Its the same in life.. problems may seem like giants in our lives, bogging (if there's such a word) us down.. like bondages that bind us and hold us back from what God has planned for us but we need to break all the bondages and fears that we have in order to see and get what God has in store for us.. Reali learnt a lot from that movie.. jus finished typing out the songs for tomorrow's praise and worship.. tired....

May 16 08

2008-05-16T15:19:00.002+08:00

Wednesday we had ippt test in the morning and i did rather well.. was kinda tired after the physical fittness test.. went back to the office after that to complete some work.. Life in my unit is rather ok if there isn't a military exercise but their fighting for the best unit competition so we have to like be the best of the best.. sighhh.. Thursdae i had a game against the SAFSA hockey players.. International players sia.... super hard to play la.. as usual duno y i kena left back again.. gotta guard against their attack.. had a minor injury cuz they 'sweeped' the ball to the back of my ankle.. a few hit my shin but it was ok as i was havin my shin guard on.. actually did an amazing job defending our title.. hahas.. went back to the office and was rather pissed cuz my off today was cancelled due to some training.. had ippt training after that.. the routine is killing me.. hais... this morning ran 6 km in like 40 mins.. wasn't reali on form.. been training for the last few weeks.. den i heard the bad news.. i was 'signed up' for the army half marathon which i did not sign up for and the better news was that i have to run 21km in aug... sighhh.. i reali need a break from all this.. i reali miss the times......... gotta wake up from that dream... back to reality.. later have cell group.. tired!!!!!

May 14 08

2008-05-14T07:35:00.002+08:00

Im in camp and im like 'secretly' using the computer to blog... hahas.. sunday went to church and well frankly speaking, the praise and worship was kinda bad and hais..... anyways they had board meeting and i stay back in church.. after church went to celebrate mother's day and well i went back to pack my bag for army.. :(( went for the global day of prayer at the indoor stadium with my dad and sister and later proceeded to kallang food centre or something.... den went to camp.. was a reali tiring day for me.. but i was reali glad that i went for the global day of prayer.. had a reali good experience and i was amazed to see so many christians that were gathered together to pray for the nations.. well back to camp and the same old routine continues.. monday had a hockey match against 6th division.. woke up and left about 6.30am.. left for guards camp and played for like an hour.. match went pretty well.. had a shortage of 2 players in our team(3rd division) so i was pulled back from being a left striker to play the role of a left back.. the game was played on my back hand which means i was on the losing end and the game was pretty tough but i endured through the entire game.. hahas.. was fun tho.. came back to office and found out one of my guys broke the keypress key in the keyhole and was pretty pissed.. broke open the lock and well carried on with my duties.. tuesday was rather uneventful.. had to teach the new guys on the operations of this branch before they can carry out the duties.. hope that i can faster finish this 2 years.. I WAN OUT!!!

May 10 08

2008-05-10T11:05:00.003+08:00

Was looking through an email and this reali touched me.. It talked about a girl and her dad in the car.. It was raining and then the girl thought of something.. She told her dad that the rain was like our sins. We sin and God wipes it off with the car wipers.. No matter how much we keep sinning, God forgives... And its only after the rain, a rainbow appears.. God forgives us when we make mistakes.. all God wants us to do is to seek forgiveness.. If God brings you to it, He'll bring you through it.. If a girl her age can see this logic, what more us..

Happy moments, praise God.

Difficult moments, seek God.

Quiet moments, worship God.

Painful moments, trust God.

Think bout it..

May 10 08

2008-05-10T10:04:00.002+08:00

Today, i saw someone's nick.. "friendship is a soul dwelling in two bodies". That got me thinking.. If a certain individual said that he or she was still fwens with you but avoids you and treats you as a total stranger, would u consider that friendship? Is that the kind of friendship we humans foster.. Such friendships that are so brittle... Aint fwens supposed to be there when you need them, stand up for you but why does it feel as though the higher your expectations of your fwens, the greater the hurt when they fail you.. todae was talkin to clarissa and kinda brought back some reali nice memories... She wanna rule the world and all those cute stuff.. How much laughter she brought me.. Blaughhh!! spammer.... i wish if only time could be turned back and we could make changes, life would be more meaningful but .......

May 09 08

2008-05-09T22:55:00.002+08:00

This was a reali reali long week for me.. on tuesday, woke up in CAMP.. Back to the old life again... was involved in hockey training.. left for guards camp at bout 1300 hours.. Training in camp for about 3 hours.. well i think i kinda forgot to stretch properly thus explaining the sore aching muscles.. we did like passing, and basically swacking(smacking + whacking) the ball.. my butt hurts.. hahas.... den went back to camp and washed up and fell aslp almost immediately la.. wednesdae, i wasn't spared from the IPPT test.. This is ridiculous la.. I was like training yesterdae and now this... kwen i could not perform well so i dint put in much effort.. did the pull ups, sit ups, shutter run, SBJ and 2.4.. sighhh.. that like took soo long la... the new signallers reported to camp and i brought them around to familiarize them with the daily operations and SOPs in the camp.. quite a handful i muz sae... Thursday had a hockey match at guards camp against the Naval Diving Unit la... super strong unit la.. muz sae they were good.. Woke up at 6 lidat and den gathered at 6.30am.. Military vehicle left at bout 6.45 am and it was like so slow la....... I mean travelling at 50km/hr on the expressway was reali irritating la... it took me like 1.5 hours to get from CCK to bedok la.. went there, played against them, 1st match.. Lost but it was a good experience la.. After that, we had about 2 hours of practice more.. that reali wore me out.. wasn't able to walk properly la... Then i realised that i got to sit that vehicle back again and i was reali pissed off.. hais... went back, bathed and changed den went back to the office to complete some work... today is book out day and they wouldn't and couldn't leave me along la... morning at 7.30 had live run and i wasn't excused from it.. ran bout 6km and there were upslopes all over the area and i was like dying.. Good thing im outta camp alr.. gotta go back on sunday... hais.. more of this type of routines wen i get back... hais....

May 04 08

2008-05-04T17:57:00.002+08:00

Today is sunday again.. Went to church early in the morning.. Today we had our youth service and it was rather dymanic with Ps Ben Chew.. Words spoken was like a double edged sword.. Simple yet practical preaching.. Applicable to our everyday life.. Reali lazy to upload the hiking photos.. Overall todae i spent most of my time in church.. Gotta go back to camp tomorrow... There was this new girl named melissa.. Kinda cool with her piano skills and voice.. hahas..

May 03 08

2008-05-03T22:55:00.002+08:00

This morning woke up at 8 plus.. Was pretty tired but who cares.. Left home bout 9am.. Dad fetched me and my sister to go hiking.. Planning a hiking trip for the youths in my church and went to recce the place.. Walked bout 13 km.. Things started off ok until like the 4th km when i sprained my ankle.. Still went on though.. Took lotsa photos.. In fact at one point, there were like monkeys all over and one even like came up to me and sat right beside me.. Took 4 hours to complete it.. Was conplaining most of the time as my sister was slowing me down.. She also din allow me to explore new routes.. Sighh... On my journey, I saw many things and it kinda got me thinkin.. Saw this spider in its web and its web was spun on the grass on the GROUND. I looked at the spider re-spinning the web at places and its like they never give up.. I reali gotta learn from the spiders.. Setbacks and problems comes our way and sometimes crisis tries to destroy us but we've gotta get back on our feet and solve the problems.. Persist the way the spider does.. Later went to church for practice.. Was rather tired by then.. jus came home not long.. Gonna slp later.. hahas...

May 02 08

2008-05-02T23:16:00.004+08:00

Was just looking through my recieved files on my desktop when i came across this picture.. Kinda brought back memories.. Wonder if Dina remembers it.. This playful kid is always hanging out with this other girl and would like put dog poo into bags and burn it and later leave it at the doorstep of people's houses and ring the bell.. Of cuz they would like run away la... Hahas.. Such carefree lives... Wishing you happiness everyday..

May 02 08

2008-05-02T16:21:00.002+08:00

I jus came back from OPs this morning.. handled over to the last shift den returned to camp.. left camp bout 12 plus... Reali tired.. Yesterdae night passed rather slowly.. My observation post consists of 3 people.. Sighhh... i was like the only one awake cuz the other two fell aslp.. Couldn't want for last night to pass by.. Finally i can sae i have offically stepped down from the OPs... thats till december when you people are going on holidays when i have to do the duty AGAIN.. Why is life so unfair.. I can jus see the hockey competition comin.. Its like next thursday.. Hope i can perform... Someone commented that my blog doesn't have what everyone elses' blog have but i beg to differ because whats important is the contents and not the skin.. Hahas.. No offence cheryl.. See you around soon k...

May 01 08

2008-05-01T10:28:00.003+08:00

Jus woke up like 30 mins ago.. Gotta rush back to camp by 12 noon.. kinda slpt well.. but still quite tired.. later im gonna go for the OPs thingy again.. Tonight will be my last night hopefully.. Today is like a public holiday but i still have to be deployed.. While you guys enjoy urselves and slp tonight, I would have to sacrifice my precious slp and watch out for him.. "well.. MSK wouldn't care if it was a public holiday or not.. He would try to escape ma..." wat a way to spend today.. After this week, I'm gonna be busy with the hockey practice.. Gotta rush down now...

Apr 30 08

2008-04-30T14:09:00.002+08:00

Monday started out on the wrong note and i wasn't veri happie.. sighhh.. had to report back to camp to do OPs duty. Reached camp and slpt for awhile then i was deployed to my observation post.. I find its quite dumb and i wish it would hurry end.. The time u guys slp is the time i have to be most vigilant.. Was awake till like 2plus in the morning and then i was like indescribably bored. There were rats around and i was like "Y NOT CATCH SOME RATS". Placed some chips and before we knew it, the rats ate them all.. sighh... There goes our entertainment... Tuesday also kena deployed.. this time it was reali boring and i was like falling aslp and it gave me lotsa time to think about stuff.. I cant figure out certain issues till todae.. i reali miss those times.. Oh ya.. an officer kept calling me to join the hockey team.. He called me like over 3 times la.. I was quite hesitant at 1st but after much consideration i decided to represent 3rd division in the competition.. i know that keeping myself buzy would not help much .. i jus duno what to do..

Apr 28 08

2008-04-28T09:26:00.004+08:00

Kinda had my 1st proper rest in days... was lyin in bed thinkin of stuff.. memories are the only things left with me thus i treasure them.. times spent with loved ones are precious.. Life is short and no one knows when who would be gone or what would happen.. Life is like a person standing on a thin piece of glass that might break anytime.. I jus cant forget..... I sometimes wish that maybe if i was like a robot then i could like jus erase all this pain.. i dun blame anyone bout all these that have happened or that are happening but i blame MYSELF for all these.. y must all these happen to me?? Everywhere i go, memories are being drawn in my mind... Life is like a flashback of my past.. Dina told me time would heal but it sure hurts for now and like forever.. Gotta go back to camp.. deployed again... ARGHHHH!!!!!

Apr 27 08

2008-04-27T19:22:00.002+08:00

Todae slpt at 3am den woke up at bout 7am.. went to church for service.. was kinda tired... but i guess its ok.. at least im kept occupied.. did some rewiring at the sound system cuz needed to create individual outputs for the floor monitors.. after service went to buy some christian cds. Got a dvd for the youth group to watch.. Feelin kinda dry.. hope that i would feel better soon.. Angelica is leavin soon like on tuesdae and not sure if she's comin back.. sighhh... take care alrite.. I just dread the feelin of being lost over and over again.. tomorrow hafta go back to camp and gotta be deployed again!!! ARGHHHH!! Duno if i should sleep early..

Apr 26 08

2008-04-27T00:27:00.002+08:00

Friday was like super tiring cuz i was out at the observation post.. did something reali crazy.. put together some sticks and part of a hanger to form some plucking device.. climbed up the tree to pluck down the coconut la.. plucked bout 3 and then i cut it open with my jack knife.. Husk was rather tough but i managed to cut through it. Plucked mangoes also.. time passed rather quickly.. saturdae was even worse.. the SMA (sgt major Army) came visiting.. wanted to go hide.. lol.. Tried finding fault with me but din manage to.. hahas.. today plucked even more mangoes.. plucked about 24 mangoes in total.. i took back only 2... :(((( The rest took most of it.. sighh.. planning to go crabbing illegally but plan was foiled by some fishermen.. Oh ya... my captain was like over the comms sae that he knows where MSK is... and i was like where, where, where.... Den he reply HE IS AT LARGE!!! Watever la.... made me like happy for that moment only.. Sighh... Gotta go back to this lifestyle again this monday.. wonder when this would ever end.... Still freekin upset.. >.<

Apr 24 08

2008-04-24T15:00:00.004+08:00

Outta camp for like 8 hours.. was kinda like played out by some guy and had to cover his duty. Was deployed at an observation post to prevent MSK from escaping. Did not reali get any rest.. Tomorrow morning, im goin out again.. Sighhh... Reali tired.. Had maggie mee for dinner 3 days in a row.. cant think straight... hais.... needa wake up!!! Made plans for the youth...

Apr 20 08

2008-04-20T17:47:00.002+08:00

Today service was good.... Who am i tryin to kid?? sighh... couldn't concentrate at all.. do i have to go through this twice?? pain's super killin me.. Y not jus shoot me or something.... i still remember i was supposed to get u the rifle.. knew u were kidding but i still remember.. things can nvr be the same again.. PS. lets go to aus together.... WAKE UP JON!!!! Dont be a FOOL!!

Apr 19 08

2008-04-19T22:55:00.004+08:00

Day did not seem to get better.. went down to the hairdresser 3 times to find my regular hairdresser not around.. sighhh... i guess the saying 'its nvr rains but pours' kinda true. brought my grandma out to eat den went to sim lim to get something for my computer. Dad complaining that the comp too slow blah blah blah and so i went to buy the RAM. Den rushed down to church for practice.. wasn't in the best of moods but i couldn't jus pull a long face ritee.. Practice went on longer than usual and i was tryin to keep myself from losin my cool.. a change of enviroment would do me some good.. The pain is reali killin me.. Leeching the life outta whatevers' left in me.. sighh.. wonderin if i'll get any rest tonight.. all this i have myself to blame.. Y not treasure till something's lost.. Living in regrets hurts more that anything else.. wat else can i do other than unlocking the waterworks?? sighh...

Trying not to emo.. sighhh..

Apr 19 08

2008-04-19T10:18:00.002+08:00

Failure

Failure doesn't mean - You are a failure,It means - You have not succeeded.
Failure doesn't mean - You accomplished nothing,It means - You've learned something.
Failure doesn't mean - That you have been a fool,It means - You had a lot of faith.
Failure doesn't mean - You've been disgraced.It means - You were willing to try.
Failure doesn't mean - You don't have it.It means - You have to do something in a different way.
Failure doesn't mean - You are inferior.It means -You are not perfect.
Failure doesn't mean - You've wasted your life.It means - You have a reason to start afresh.
Failure doesn't mean - You should give up.It means - You must try harder.
Failure doesn't mean -You'll never make it.It means - It will take a little longer.
Failure doesn't mean - God has abandoned you.It means - God has a better way for you.

Sometimes failure might hold me back but who knows, this might just be God's way of telling me "BOY WAKE UP AND GET ON THE RIGHT PATH!! I HAVE A BETTER PLAN AND PURPOSE FOR YOU!!" Maybe leaving God to be God is the best SOLUTION.

Apr 19 08

2008-04-19T08:02:00.002+08:00

Read someone's blog this morning and i gotta admit that i was pretty upset. but i constantly have to remind myself. Who is this person to you?? Sighhh... i simply have no right at all.. i reali need to get out of my shadow and walk away. Easier said than done right?? Things are different now, veri different. Things and pespective changed in a twinkle and thats it.. sighh.. maybe it jus wasn't meant to be.. but memories would always be kept in the heart not the mind. What a way to start today..

ARGHHHHHH!!

Apr 18 08

2008-04-18T19:42:00.002+08:00

Precious Memories

Apr 14-18 08

2008-04-18T16:33:00.002+08:00

This week was rather stressful for me. Week started off fine at 1st. mondae was good. spent some quality time expressin myself to someone close yet time is always not sufficient when u need it. words cannot describe the feelin to be cared for or when concern is showered upon you. How i wish that time like this would nvr end. Tuesdae came and i guess its back to physical training. Been searchin for that "guy" who's been on the run so i think i grew fatter!! :((( Wednesay came and went. then thursdae too.. did 'COS' duty 3 days in a row.. reali tired.. i need a break. sometimes i wish jus for a listenin ear, someone to be there wen i reali need a shoulder but its seems that......... hais.. There's jus one person to put back that smile on my face. i couldn't help but sulk all the way home jus now.. life has its ups and downs. sighhh.. this week was mostly downs. i miss her... reali do...

Apr 13 08

2008-04-13T18:09:00.005+08:00

this mornin woke up feelin a little better. had to go down earlier to church to practice for the service. went to buy breakfast for my mother and grandmother. bought for myself the currypuff but din have any appetite. worship went rather well but the sermon was rather long.. hahas.. i cant reali sit still can i?? hahas.. after service, rushed to parkway parade to buy a cake for one of the members in my youth group. teaching at the group was not easy but at least i put in my effort to teach. i couldn't reali concentrate much todae.. countless thoughts runnin through my mind. might not be able to go for the church camp cuz of some activation in the army.. sighhh.. gotta go back to camp soon.. more physical training..

After service

Also i've been reading this book. its reali good. u've gotta read it.

Apr 12 08

2008-04-12T22:06:00.005+08:00

Todae i went to white sands to get some stuff from popular and had two pieces of bread for lunch. wasn't feelin reali well. came back home and watched night at the museum. brought back lotsa memories. went to church to practice for tomorrow's service. time i introduced my beautiful awesome 'wife'.

Les Paul Special - Smartwood series

jus got back from practice and im reali tired out. kinda wished that i hadn't said some stuff cuz i think i made someone angry. Why can't i jus sae the right thing at the right time. i mean its jus so hard at times. gonna take a bath and hope i feel better tomorrow. later still need to prepare the youth lesson. teaching on water baptism... need to snap outta my dream and face reality.. Help me!!!

Apr 11 08

2008-04-12T08:18:00.002+08:00

What can i sae, life in the army is ever so hectic and tiring. Just finished a week of training and booked outta camp. Yesterday i went for a concert at the Max Pavilion. They invited planetshakers and Tim Huges. Wasn't too bad. enjoyed most of it. Actually thought that i would be able to see ---- but was kinda disappointed. I sometimes wonder if people go to such concerts cuz they adore the band or do they really go there to worship God. I mean its like i overheard a conversation between two guys that they were going there cuz their fwens told them that there were plenty of girls to go around. Whats wrong with the kids todae!!! No offence but is that the right attitude? These are the little things that got me thinking.. What is our generation comin to? Finally having time to start up my new blog. I really need more time...... Wanna get outta the army.. SIGH!!!!