Sunday, August 31, 2008 . 8:45 PM
Todae went to church with much frustration.. jus couldn't find the smile on my face.. i duno if im runnin away from reality.. all i know is that im lettin the people around me affect me.. but i am oni after all human.. hais.. during sermon, nth could like register in my mind lor.. hais.. later went to give out the fliers for the mid autumn festival celebration in the vicinity of the church.. been quite a while since i had any interaction on the streets.. suddenly its all comin back to me again.. to where i belong.. the streets.. i used to love street evangelism but for a reali long time, i was cooped up in church.. finally todae i had the chance to go out there and i made the most outta it.. hais.. life would never be the same again but maybe its time for me to face up with reality.. hurts and pain are all part and parcel of life.. gotta book into camp soon.. hais.. i reali hate this cycle of goin back to camp and everythin.. i jus hurry hope to finish my army.. life is unfair.. who can i tell my deepest darkest thoughts to?? hais..Saturday, August 30, 2008 . 6:32 PM
Feelin like shit.. keep gettin shouted at.. my mom said i treat the whole world as my mom other den her.. Asked me go and die and go to hell.. I was doin the mid autumn festival flier for the church and she said im kpo and wanna suck up to the pastor.. i reali dun understand.. all i am tryin to do is help the church and i dun understand y she jus had to sae that.. maybe i should jus leave.. im reali tired of life lidat.. 1st i lose someone i love and now for somethin i am doin for church is oso wrong.. y does everythin i do jus go wrong.. i reali dun see any meanin in this sort of life.. i reali reali reali feel like givin up.. tomorrow have church.. i reali duno how to go there and sing and give a happy face.. hais..Friday, August 29, 2008 . 11:02 PM
Have been coopin myself at home.. hais.. feelin rather lifeless and sad.. hais.. if oni there were more meanin to life.. hais.. ate like two cups of macfurry and like one tub of haggenduz icecream.. hais.. i reali dun wan things to be lidat.. im tired.. jus wanna spend quality time.. )):Thursday, August 28, 2008 . 6:05 PM
Todae spent like half the dae designin the mid-autumn festival outreach flier.. gonna have an outreach in my church lor.. this few daes have been rather down but life still carries on.. i ask God y not instead of makin me drag it on and on and get tired, jus take me home.. time have been passing reali slowly and i sometimes wish i could go back to how things were be4.. hais.. w/o knowin, i actually finished one tub of ice cream.. hais.. :(Sunday, August 24, 2008 . 9:17 PM
feelin reali down now.. i jus dun understand.. i have lost too too many things i treasure.. i dun wan history to repeat itself but i find myself fallin into the same predicament again and again.. im reali afraid.. everythin i do, i try to do it to the best and for the concern of others but does anyone ever think the same way to me?? hais.. its hurtin real bad and i cant share it wif anyone.. maybe if God were to take me home, i'll be more than grateful.. todae went to run the army half marathon(21km) den was kinda ok.. wasn't feelin well but kinda forcin myself to complete it.. i was tryin to vent all my frustration on my feet and get it all out but it didn't seem to work.. hais.. 19km mark and i had leg cramps but i forced myself to continue and im kinda in pain now.. but wat is physical pain compared to the emotional pain im facin.. who can help relieve that pain?? im hurtin deep inside but i'll keep it in to avoid hurtin those around me.. Are promises reali that difficult to keep?? its been reali hard for me and i finally managed to step out of it and den i sank in and now im stuck again.. hais.. i'm reali afraid that i cant take it anymore.. hais.. maybe this was jus meant to be.. i couldn't worship at all in church and nothin from the preachin got in.. i reali cant think at all.. If its gotta be lidat, God please take me back.. It aint too hard for u rite.. im tired...Saturday, August 23, 2008 . 10:30 AM
God why are u doin this to me.. im alr hurtin and now it hurts even more.. i used to look forward to every night but now im dreadin the time i have to pass all alone.. it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts IT REALI HURTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! why are things lidat now?? I tell myself maybe tomorrow would be better and for a change i wouldn't be jus staring at my phone but NO i'm still waiting and waiting.. God do u purposely do this to me cuz its fun?? im reali hurting and jus wen i found comfort, u take it away.. y do u do this.. I HATE MYSELF!!!Friday, August 22, 2008 . 11:17 PM
Why is God so unfair.. Why does he like doin such things to me?? isn't all good and perfect things from him?? den why take it away jus wen i get it.. Why do u have to be this way.. im reali tired with life like this.. if life were to be this way den maybe life isn't worth living for.. i alr surrendered everything to u God but why this?? its hurts alot.. todae i din feel like goin to church lor but i still went and i had to force myself to smile and sing.. i gave up halfway cuz i knew i couldn't carry on.. im reali tired... i jus wish it was like be4.. God WHY!!!!!! im tired of crying...Sunday, August 17, 2008 . 7:05 PM
Yesterdae spent the whole dae at nee soon range for my ATP firing package.. super sian la.. came back to camp bout like 11 plus pm lidat den have to clean rifle.. super sian la.. the mantainance is veri mafan la.. todae after book out went to vivo.. finally managed to catch the movie money no enuff 2.. ate like super a lot todae and im super full la.. reali enjoyed myself.. jus came back not long ago and i gotta go back to camp soon.. tomorrow will be doin the hell training again.. hais.. i think i made her angry wif me.. i duno wat i did but certainly she's not to be blamed.. feelin rather crappy now.. if anyone ever asked me y, i would sae its all worth it..Friday, August 15, 2008 . 1:13 PM
Tuesdae was the start of 'hell training'. it was started by my sergeant major to train us la.. super sian lor.. tuesdae i had like to run up and down 1000 steps + 1.2km + 45 diamond push ups + 50 x 4 alt leg thrust + 50 x 4 jumping jacks + many more la.. wednesdae i had like to run 4.8km and do like 3 mins bridge + 30 dips + 50 x 4 jumping jacks + 50 x 4 alt leg thrust + many many more.. den thursdae i had to like do 650 pull ups shared with like another 9 guys + 50 push ups + 1.2km run + 20 x 4 jumping jacks + 20 x 4 alt leg thrust + 25 x 4 'row boat'. This week has been i would sae a trying onefor me.. physically, i'm stressed.. I wish i was outta the army now la.. hais.. Now im aching all over and todae actually have to go east coast park run 16km but im on MC so i dun have to go run.. thank God.. hais... tonigt still need go back camp cuz i have live firing tomorrow.. hais.. y does my weekend have to be this way.. sighhhhh!!!!!!Sunday, August 10, 2008 . 8:43 PM
why do i keep saying the wrong things at the wrong time... Why m i soo dumb.. feelin so lousy now la... )': Pretty upset last night.. was looking forward for todae.. woke up at like 3 plus and couldn't slp alr.. bathed and went to church.. todae the chinese group was like leading and i was like kinda like playing by ear cuz i din know what they were singin la.. din reali feel like playin in the 1st place.. to think i even gelled my hair to surprise someone la.. youth was alrite but the worship was rather horrible.. i think i messed up like one whole song la.. i reali cant believe it la.. i was like playin wrong chords throughout the song la.. dunno when will i be out from army again.. hafta go back to camp tonight.. It seems like im fallin deeper and deeper again.. WILLINGLY.. i guess life is jus this way.. Im TIRED!!
Me - Depicted by Grace
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Saturday, August 9, 2008 . 6:15 PM
The parade has started and im like in my own room all alone.. dun feel like eatin dinner.. was like gonna check somethin on the computer outside den my sister was usin and she shouted at me and i was like scolded again.. as usual.. theres like no difference from me comin out.. tot todae would be different but things jus dun turn out the way we want it.. but family is more impt.. i oso dun wan to get anyone scolded.. everyone else are like watchin the parade outside.. i cant wait for tonight to come.. :(( I have this friend from my poly who asked me issit worth it to wait for someone u love and i replied yes.. Life is a choice and i do not believe in fate.. It is life's choices that would either make us or break us.. The choices we make in our lives is gonna mould us to become what we are and what we will be.. I was walking at carrefour the other day and i saw this sign sayin a happy family.. How i wish and wish that maybe, jus maybe that could be one day true for me.. All i wan is for someone to walk through life with me, hand in hand.. Supporting each other.. To me, whats most impt is that she's happy.. I wanna see that smile on her face.. And maybe someday.. Jus maybe someday...........Thursday, August 7, 2008 . 9:22 PM
Todae i was veri depressed since morning and now im even feelin worse.. all im finding for is for a person to stand by me and share everythin wif me.. ARGHHHH!!!!!!!Saturday, August 2, 2008 . 8:53 PM
This week rather tiring for me.. not supposed to run the SOC training but cuz of this guy go act smart, go ask if we need go den kena.. SianZ la.. Den over all everything was alrite.. Friday morning had this 20km run but i kinda wasn't feeling well so i took MC.. Clever rite.. hahas.. Den later in the evening had to rush down to Jurong camp to take photo for the 3rd division promotion treat.. super sian la.. den this morning i had the greatest time ever.. went to suntec there and ya i was super happy.. later rushed down to church for practice den later went with my family to eat at downtown east.. Feast ur eyes on these!!!!
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