Saturday, May 31, 2008 . 9:30 PM
After bloggin this morning, brought my grandma down to loyang point for breakfast.. i saw this on someone's tee-shirt.. It read 'Life is looking through the windscreen of a car, not the rear view mirror.' I reali agree with this statement.. We should look forward to the future and what it has for us and not back at the past.. we should also have a wider perspective of things.. It reali got me thinkin and i reali duno if i can do it.. Its easy for me to sae but if i have to act on it, its reali difficult.. the hurt is there and i duno how to stop the pain.. Sometimes i ask God why if He knew that its gonna hurt so much, Why did He allow it to happen?? But then again i cant blame God and i dun blame Him.. Im jus gonna wait like i have been.. Hope God would help me.. Had practice at church and i bought 3 more CDs to add to my collection.. bought a notice board for the youth also.. I feel reali drained out at times cuz i try puttin in the effort but the youth dun seem to be growing and it jus makes me feel more and more depressed each dae.. I hope that one dae i can see the fruit of my labour.. I ask God why cant we be like those big mega churches.. then i got this.. Size doesn't matter boy... See gideon and his small army that defeated the army of thousands.. See little david that defeated goliath.. i see His point the size doesn't matter but it sure does help.. I feel reali sad when i see people leaving.. I duno why but i cant help it.. Im reali physically and spiritually tired.. Sometimes i wish there's someone hu can stand aside me to help in the youth and church.. I reali wanna see growth and physical increase.. But i cant do it alone.. I jus dun see the effort of the youth to do their part.. Y issit that wen we go to conferences, we can jump shout and sing but in our service they cant.. Does it mean that God only present in big churches or He dwells in places where there are many people.. I reali cant understand this point.. I reali need God's help.. I reali cant take much more of this.. Jus now my mei tok to me.. she kinda tried cheerin me up but i asked myself if i was reali able to face up to my problems or am i jus running away from it.. I hope that one dae i can face her boldly and sae YES i have overcame it and i can face all my problems.. It reali hurts and sometimes i need someone to be here for me.. Today jus started and i woke up at like 6 plus.. i kinda thought i've gotten over everything but yesterdae proved me wrong.. sometimes i wish that time would and could be rewinded and kept forever.. sighhh.. Its got me thinkin.. Am i actually ready or am i jus escaping from reality.. Everydae is like a nightmare to me.. I jus live each dae jus to get through to another one of these daes.. There is jus no meanin.. A few more daes and it would be a reali special dae.. too bad it did not last.. i jus pray for one thing.. God!!!!!! Hais.. after next fridae, i have one more year in the army.. Hopefully it would pass fast.. I cant take this life like this for long.. Its tirin to walk alone..Friday, May 30, 2008 . 11:15 PM
Monday was ok... Had a hockey game in the morning against the combat engineers. had a lack of players due to injuries so we played with 9 man. we were 2 man short.. sigh... i had to play centerback and it was like pretty unsecure as they can attack from any area.. managed to stop them from scoring any goals.. pretty happy bout that.. Had ICCT (close combat training) in the afternoon.. learnt front breakfall, back breakfall and bar lock and back lock..had to keep falling and land with the proper technique to break less bones.. Its called breakfall for a purpose but i think its kinda useless as it would like break more bones and cause more damage lor.. den later had to leave for guard duty.. had a pretty tiring dae.. did duty till the next morning.. stayed up most parts of the night.. slept for like 2 hours oni.. tuesdae had ippt training in the morning.. did running and pull ups and all that strength training.. super stressed la.. almost pulled out all my hair.. watevers left of it.. hahas.. Had ICCT training in the afternoon.. learnt side breakfalls and some locks.. pretty tired.. same old techniques.. muscles cramping la.. wednesdae had ICCT training in the morning.. super tired.. there's like no recovery time la.. learnt back breakfall and rolling breakfalls.. was super fun la.. i was like rolling all over the entire hall la.. den thursdae had a full dae of ICCT training.. had to learn all the locks and how to counter them.. I partnered with the indian guy and he like almost ripped my hand apart la.. super pain.. anyways im now made of paper so its ok.. Then here comes the fun part.. there was this 10.2 km run this morning and i was like praying reali hard on thursdae night that it would rain on fridae morning and den i went to slp.. I woke up at 5.45 for 5BX and i realised that it was raining.. den i thanked God but it stopped at 7 am and i had to run.. Sighhhh.. Y cant it jus last a little longer la.. Super sian lor.. Muscle aching liao den still have to run.. took bout 50 mins to run 10.2km.. I was like pushin myself alr.. hahas.. den i later went back for my icct training in the afternoon.. Did release from neck lock, underarm lock 1 and 2.. susper pain la those two.. finished den rushed down for the outreach at church.. Got new people from mynmar and china there.. I think one accepted lor.. Super tiring week for me.. Need REST!!!Sunday, May 25, 2008 . 8:13 PM
This morning woke up, wasn't reali feelin well but i still went to church.. Todae we have a speaker from the US and it was a rather happening service.. Everything went well but the sermon was like reali reali long.. lasted from like 10.30 till 1.40 lidat.. Had to push youth back till 2.30.. had a fun time playin charades and later i told them the plans for the youth camp and all.. rather long dae and tiring also.. Tomorrow have a hockey match against the combat engineers.. Muz win this match.. Later have to book into camp.. Hais.. UPSET!!!Saturday, May 24, 2008 . 8:11 PM
Todae started off fine.. went to whitesands to post something and den went for breakfast with my family at central.. was rushing through the design of the youth board thingy.. practice was at 3 lidat so wen down to practice.. Clarissa kept talkin to me bout baby and how cute he/she was.. hahas.. found it rather amusing.. was explainin to her bout the hammies and how they are cared for.. she dropped hammie by accident.. :( practice went on as usual but smart me decided to walk off halfway into the practice to print out the youth stuff but it proved rather a bad move.. Was scolded by my dad and later a member of the choir noted and said that there was tension between me and my sister and my sister like pushed all the blame to me.. Saying that i should off my phone during practice and all cuz its distracting me and distracting me is equals to distracting her too.. hais.. came back home to get a second round of lectures behind closed doors.. i dun understand why things have to be this way.. its like from monday to friday, im in camp suffering and also have to plan the youth activities and i come out on a friday to spend almost the whole of saturdae and sundae in church and its activities.. Sometimes i jus wish for a little appreciation and encouragement but as a pastor's kid its rather hard cuz people see you with colored shades and they think that jus cause i am a pastor's kid so i have to be super spiritual and sinless but i have my struggles and burdens too.. I can share and carry the burdens of my youths and friends but when i have a problem, its reali hard to share it with anyone.. And i feel people tend to overlook things i do as though its part of my job or part of me.. Cuz i have to do it and all.. this can be rather destructive.. I keep myself buzz at times so i wont think bout certain issues that i have not been able to let go.. I jus sometimes wish i could have a shoulder i can lean on.. God is there for me but sometimes i need someone i can see to lean on.. its reali hard to depend on the fact that i know God cares but i jus feel reali tired.. My sister said jus now that if i cant live a peaceful day on earth, why do i wanna live on den.. This reali got me thinkin.. is there anything i can live on for?? People i trust and love and care for have been hurting me over and over again.. I wanna be there for them and care for them but whos there to care for me.. i jus cant feel it.. I'm reali tired... HELP ME JESUS!!!Friday, May 23, 2008 . 9:13 PM
Wednesday was quite a tiring day.. had ippt test early in the mornin and i was like pretty upset bout how i performed.. hais... was pretty thankful to a certain someone who tried cheering me up wen i wasn't too happy.. after the test, went to the office.. had to design a card or something for SAF day la.. thursdae was my match against mindef.. in the mornin had ippt training which i shouldn't have participated in cuz it proved to be a reali bad mistake later on in the dae.. sis interval speed training.. had to run 1 round about the stadium in 1.30 mins for like 6 rounds and did pushups, pull ups, crunches, flutterkicks and all those.. later i went for my match and bout 20 mins into the game, i have a pulled a muscle.. couldn't reali walk.. my team played 10 mins without a leftback and that was wen they scored 1 goal.. was pretty upset and blaming myself.. went back to play in the second half and din reali run cuz my leg still hurts.. this morning, i was actually excused from the run due to yesterday's injury but there was this guy in my bunk that kept sayin that i should join and hockey was not an excuse.. i was pretty mad at him and i was like 'fine la.. i run lor'.. so well i ran like 8.4km.. was reali tiring and now my calves are hurtin but i guess it should be fine soon.. back at home and feeling hungry so im gonna cook maggie mee!!! JOY!!!!! hahas..Tuesday, May 20, 2008 . 7:24 PM
Today i have to report back to camp and im pretty upset bout it.. stayed at home most part of the dae and was preparing for the youth camp thingy.. Mom came home and started scolding me for no reason.. den they were goin for prayer meetin and scolded me again and i totally lost it.. sighhh.. i've been tryin my best for the youth grp alr but y cant they see it.. Its reali stressful with the army and all and now the youth and family.. i reali need a good long break and someone to walk it thru with me.. goin to camp soon.. hais...Monday, May 19, 2008 . 8:42 PM
Today was one of the most boring days in my life.. was a holidae and i decided to another dae off for tomorrow to get a long weekend.. woke up bout like 8 am lidat and then did some youth stuff.. needed to update the board ma.. den later went for lunch at east coast park there.. No appetite so jus drank soya bean lor.. den later proceeded to giant duno for wat.. jus following the sisters.. lol.. den went back home to do more of the youth paperwork.. fell aslp at bout 6.30 and woke up at 7.30.. wat a borin life.. need to find something more interestin to do.. haahs..Sunday, May 18, 2008 . 9:58 PM
Todae woke up and whole body was achin even worse.. was kinda grumpy, had my bath and then went downstairs get breakfast for my mom.. proceeded to church and practiced for the main service.. church went pretty well.. after that had youth cell and i kinda facilitated it.. brought back a lot of memories.. today's topic was on discipleship and how God discipline us.. and it showed me all the things God has done in my life and through my life.. den later i came home and rewatched the movie again.. its called facing the giants... Its expounds on how we should build up iron walls as defences against the devil.. as an individual and as a team we need to build up a wall against the enemy.. we need to stop the devil from breakin us up from the outside.. its also teaches us that we muz not give up when we are weary.. we need to press on..Saturday, May 17, 2008 . 10:27 PM
Todae woke up with a reali huge backache.. actually my whole body is achin due to the training.. sighh.. i reali need a good long break from the army.. after woke up, did some admin stuff for the youth and den went on to have lunch with my family.. after that went to church for practice... reorganised the positioning of the floor monitors and other stuff.. did some minor changes to the sound and all.. reali tiring working by myself.. hahas.. practice went rather well.. went to parkway after that.. got lotsa fruits from the cold storage.. Fruits GLORIOUS fruits!!!!! lol.. had dinner there and went to trumpet praise.. got two new CDs.. weren't too bad.. planning to introduce to church sometime soon.. got home and bathe and watched this movie.. its called facing something giants.. hahas.. reali good thoughts to bring back.. nothing is inpossible for God and no one can close a door that God has opened.. God mentioned 'Do not fear' 365 times on different occasions in the bible and i think he reali meant it.. Its the same in life.. problems may seem like giants in our lives, bogging (if there's such a word) us down.. like bondages that bind us and hold us back from what God has planned for us but we need to break all the bondages and fears that we have in order to see and get what God has in store for us.. Reali learnt a lot from that movie.. jus finished typing out the songs for tomorrow's praise and worship.. tired....Friday, May 16, 2008 . 3:19 PM
Wednesday we had ippt test in the morning and i did rather well.. was kinda tired after the physical fittness test.. went back to the office after that to complete some work.. Life in my unit is rather ok if there isn't a military exercise but their fighting for the best unit competition so we have to like be the best of the best.. sighhh.. Thursdae i had a game against the SAFSA hockey players.. International players sia.... super hard to play la.. as usual duno y i kena left back again.. gotta guard against their attack.. had a minor injury cuz they 'sweeped' the ball to the back of my ankle.. a few hit my shin but it was ok as i was havin my shin guard on.. actually did an amazing job defending our title.. hahas.. went back to the office and was rather pissed cuz my off today was cancelled due to some training.. had ippt training after that.. the routine is killing me.. hais... this morning ran 6 km in like 40 mins.. wasn't reali on form.. been training for the last few weeks.. den i heard the bad news.. i was 'signed up' for the army half marathon which i did not sign up for and the better news was that i have to run 21km in aug... sighhh.. i reali need a break from all this.. i reali miss the times......... gotta wake up from that dream... back to reality.. later have cell group.. tired!!!!!Wednesday, May 14, 2008 . 7:35 AM
Im in camp and im like 'secretly' using the computer to blog... hahas.. sunday went to church and well frankly speaking, the praise and worship was kinda bad and hais..... anyways they had board meeting and i stay back in church.. after church went to celebrate mother's day and well i went back to pack my bag for army.. :(( went for the global day of prayer at the indoor stadium with my dad and sister and later proceeded to kallang food centre or something.... den went to camp.. was a reali tiring day for me.. but i was reali glad that i went for the global day of prayer.. had a reali good experience and i was amazed to see so many christians that were gathered together to pray for the nations.. well back to camp and the same old routine continues.. monday had a hockey match against 6th division.. woke up and left about 6.30am.. left for guards camp and played for like an hour.. match went pretty well.. had a shortage of 2 players in our team(3rd division) so i was pulled back from being a left striker to play the role of a left back.. the game was played on my back hand which means i was on the losing end and the game was pretty tough but i endured through the entire game.. hahas.. was fun tho.. came back to office and found out one of my guys broke the keypress key in the keyhole and was pretty pissed.. broke open the lock and well carried on with my duties.. tuesday was rather uneventful.. had to teach the new guys on the operations of this branch before they can carry out the duties.. hope that i can faster finish this 2 years.. I WAN OUT!!!Saturday, May 10, 2008 . 11:05 AM
Was looking through an email and this reali touched me.. It talked about a girl and her dad in the car.. It was raining and then the girl thought of something.. She told her dad that the rain was like our sins. We sin and God wipes it off with the car wipers.. No matter how much we keep sinning, God forgives... And its only after the rain, a rainbow appears.. God forgives us when we make mistakes.. all God wants us to do is to seek forgiveness.. If God brings you to it, He'll bring you through it.. If a girl her age can see this logic, what more us..Happy moments, praise God.
Difficult moments, seek God.
Quiet moments, worship God.
Painful moments, trust God.
Think bout it..
Today, i saw someone's nick.. "friendship is a soul dwelling in two bodies". That got me thinking.. If a certain individual said that he or she was still fwens with you but avoids you and treats you as a total stranger, would u consider that friendship? Is that the kind of friendship we humans foster.. Such friendships that are so brittle... Aint fwens supposed to be there when you need them, stand up for you but why does it feel as though the higher your expectations of your fwens, the greater the hurt when they fail you.. todae was talkin to clarissa and kinda brought back some reali nice memories... She wanna rule the world and all those cute stuff.. How much laughter she brought me.. Blaughhh!! spammer.... i wish if only time could be turned back and we could make changes, life would be more meaningful but .......
Friday, May 9, 2008 . 10:55 PM
This was a reali reali long week for me.. on tuesday, woke up in CAMP.. Back to the old life again... was involved in hockey training.. left for guards camp at bout 1300 hours.. Training in camp for about 3 hours.. well i think i kinda forgot to stretch properly thus explaining the sore aching muscles.. we did like passing, and basically swacking(smacking + whacking) the ball.. my butt hurts.. hahas.... den went back to camp and washed up and fell aslp almost immediately la.. wednesdae, i wasn't spared from the IPPT test.. This is ridiculous la.. I was like training yesterdae and now this... kwen i could not perform well so i dint put in much effort.. did the pull ups, sit ups, shutter run, SBJ and 2.4.. sighhh.. that like took soo long la... the new signallers reported to camp and i brought them around to familiarize them with the daily operations and SOPs in the camp.. quite a handful i muz sae... Thursday had a hockey match at guards camp against the Naval Diving Unit la... super strong unit la.. muz sae they were good.. Woke up at 6 lidat and den gathered at 6.30am.. Military vehicle left at bout 6.45 am and it was like so slow la....... I mean travelling at 50km/hr on the expressway was reali irritating la... it took me like 1.5 hours to get from CCK to bedok la.. went there, played against them, 1st match.. Lost but it was a good experience la.. After that, we had about 2 hours of practice more.. that reali wore me out.. wasn't able to walk properly la... Then i realised that i got to sit that vehicle back again and i was reali pissed off.. hais... went back, bathed and changed den went back to the office to complete some work... today is book out day and they wouldn't and couldn't leave me along la... morning at 7.30 had live run and i wasn't excused from it.. ran bout 6km and there were upslopes all over the area and i was like dying.. Good thing im outta camp alr.. gotta go back on sunday... hais.. more of this type of routines wen i get back... hais....Sunday, May 4, 2008 . 5:57 PM
Today is sunday again.. Went to church early in the morning.. Today we had our youth service and it was rather dymanic with Ps Ben Chew.. Words spoken was like a double edged sword.. Simple yet practical preaching.. Applicable to our everyday life.. Reali lazy to upload the hiking photos.. Overall todae i spent most of my time in church.. Gotta go back to camp tomorrow... There was this new girl named melissa.. Kinda cool with her piano skills and voice.. hahas..Saturday, May 3, 2008 . 10:55 PM
This morning woke up at 8 plus.. Was pretty tired but who cares.. Left home bout 9am.. Dad fetched me and my sister to go hiking.. Planning a hiking trip for the youths in my church and went to recce the place.. Walked bout 13 km.. Things started off ok until like the 4th km when i sprained my ankle.. Still went on though.. Took lotsa photos.. In fact at one point, there were like monkeys all over and one even like came up to me and sat right beside me.. Took 4 hours to complete it.. Was conplaining most of the time as my sister was slowing me down.. She also din allow me to explore new routes.. Sighh... On my journey, I saw many things and it kinda got me thinkin.. Saw this spider in its web and its web was spun on the grass on the GROUND. I looked at the spider re-spinning the web at places and its like they never give up.. I reali gotta learn from the spiders.. Setbacks and problems comes our way and sometimes crisis tries to destroy us but we've gotta get back on our feet and solve the problems.. Persist the way the spider does.. Later went to church for practice.. Was rather tired by then.. jus came home not long.. Gonna slp later.. hahas...Friday, May 2, 2008 . 11:16 PM
Was just looking through my recieved files on my desktop when i came across this picture.. Kinda brought back memories.. Wonder if Dina remembers it.. This playful kid is always hanging out with this other girl and would like put dog poo into bags and burn it and later leave it at the doorstep of people's houses and ring the bell.. Of cuz they would like run away la... Hahas.. Such carefree lives... Wishing you happiness everyday..
I jus came back from OPs this morning.. handled over to the last shift den returned to camp.. left camp bout 12 plus... Reali tired.. Yesterdae night passed rather slowly.. My observation post consists of 3 people.. Sighhh... i was like the only one awake cuz the other two fell aslp.. Couldn't want for last night to pass by.. Finally i can sae i have offically stepped down from the OPs... thats till december when you people are going on holidays when i have to do the duty AGAIN.. Why is life so unfair.. I can jus see the hockey competition comin.. Its like next thursday.. Hope i can perform... Someone commented that my blog doesn't have what everyone elses' blog have but i beg to differ because whats important is the contents and not the skin.. Hahas.. No offence cheryl.. See you around soon k...